If Guild Wars was literal

Sun and Moon Slash

So you actually get slashed by the sun and the moon? Because of the fact that the sun needs to get in such close proximity to the earth to actually slash you, it instantly destroys all life on earth. This is pretty much > all other skills.

Haha

Vampirism-Twilight Lovers
Distracting Shot-Works till you get to grade 3
Brawling Headbutt-No one wins
Earbite-Dirty scumbags

ALL traps would pwn EVERYONE

flare - just calls a near by boat to help you out.

shock - you are tricked into thinking your wife is in bed with another man

Would make me play a lot more, harvest moon ftw.

Putrid Bile - target throws up in his mouth.

Parasitic Bond - 007 asks you for money.

Mark of Rodgort - Rodgort signs item of your choice.

Comfort Animal - give your pet a treat and show some affection.

Imbagons would become angry, crazy schizophrenic phychos

SAVE YOURSELVES!
SAVE YOURSELVES!
SAVE YOURSELVES!
THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR!
SAVE YOURSELVES!

All while chucking large javelins at people. That's someone I'd never want to go near. ever.

EDIT: and if you want to get technical, paragons would only have one spear. hah.

That's a good one!

I was thinking - what would Feast for the Dead or Holiday Blues (snowball fight skill) do? O_o

Oh let's not go there...the place where Rangers would run out of arrows.

Whirling defense: might get a little dizzy. Attacks have 50% chance to miss.

Lion's comfort: the Wammo pulls out an adorable stuffed lion like my kids have and cuddles it since the big mean men with the ouchy knives hurt me!

Low blow: your opponent doubles over in pain, holding the jiggly bits.

Can't touch this! Everyone breaks it down now. Billowy gold parachute pants appear on all players.

Reversal of Fortune: applies to lockpicks, gold drops, dyes as well. May be cast on that obnoxious guildie who gets all the good drops every time you all go out.

Hundred Blades - If it actually was a hundred blades attacking at once it would have been nice.

"On your knees"- That would be a life saver at times.

Animate Vampiric Horror - OM NOM NOM

LOL this is such a simple idea for a thread, but so hugely entertaining so far!

Contemplation of Purity = You wake up in bed next to someone & don't remember how you got there or what happened....

Earth Shaker = Lose some weight, you need a diet.

Twisting Fangs = A vampire's nightmare visit to the dentist (?)

Mind Freeze = You drink your Slurpee too fast.

hmm..

Conjure phantasm - ghosts.

Conjure nightmare - all hell unleashed? demons?

Word of Healing - Would be a shout. And what would that word be!?

Animate Flesh Golem/Bone Minions/anything - gets out some paper and starts drawing.

blackout - entire game screen goes black.

Resurrection Chant - an honest-to-God Chant. What a concept!

Concussion Shot - WTF? How do you get a concussion from an arrow? The arrow hits you in the face, you are DEAD. Bam.

Animate Vampiric Horror - Yep, Twilight is pretty horrifying. Good thing all minions have natural health degen, eh?

Pin Down - OW MAH FOOT!

Lightning Hammer, Shock Arrow, Lava Arrows, Stone Daggers, Lightning Javelin - now THESE I want to see.

Windborne Speed - only works if you have a decent tailwind. And yes, you're basically flying.

Grasping Earth - Oooh. Hands reach up and GRAB YOUR ANKLES!!!

Magnetic Aura - Only deflects attacks by weapons made of magnetic metals. Good luck avoiding that Copper Crusher, mate.

Obsidian Flesh - Congratulations! You're quite interesting and, according to the apparent properties of Obsidian, you're immune to magic. Unfortunately, you're also fairly fragile... and you can't move.

Winter's Embrace - Oooookay...

Savannah Heat - Only works in Kourna in the daytime.

Meteor - Target foe and everyone else on the radar (including yourself) are obliterated.

Mind Freeze - Note that this is not Brain Freeze, the harmless (albeit painful) ice cream effect. This is OWWWWWWW - or rather it would, but since your brain is frozen those signals from your nerves aren't exactly being processed. YOU DIE NOW.

Life - Wow, you've created Life from nothing. That's pretty impressive.

Destruction - World go boom now?

Lava Arrows: Better dodge these!

Breath of Fire: Parlour Tricks!

Celestial Storm: Just RUN!

Burning Speed: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's SPEEDY GONZALEZ!

Energy Blast: Dragonball Characters next?

Mind Blast: Talk about having a blast...

EDIT:

Bull's Charge: You might wanna step out of the way.

Ambulance Drivers and Crews would be WoH monks, who redbar till they get to Hospital. Doctors would all be RC, and just RC them on there way.

The survivor title would be the most important one in the game.

Because... you know... not living is bad

Symbol Of Wrath ~ This has my ex-wife's name written all over it...

Troll Unguent ~ Uh, you go apply the salve to the creepy thing under the bridge.

HYAHHHHH! ~ Your lips move, then 3 seconds later we hear your voice.

Feel No Pain ~ Involves any college party with multiple shots of several types of liquor. Usually followed by Blurred Vision.

Mystic Twister ~ The favorite game of mysticists.

Aura Slicer ~ New! From Ronco!

Knee Cutter ~ Man, I hate midgets with switchblades...

Assassins Promise - You make a promise.... that's it. How is that a hex?

Ray of Judgment - Only Jesus can use this skill.

Blood is Power - Blood also has AIDS

Tranquility - Has same effects of pot.

Consume Corpse - ewwww

Twisting Jaws - Dinos can't bite

Palm strike - causes bleeding nose

Starburst - yummy

Claim Essence - ALL YOU BASE ARE BELONG TO ME!

Seeking arrows - better than bullets as they go around walls

Nova - Destroys the galaxy

Mindbender - now try this!

Air of superiority - Shapeshift to Asura, GW2 preview

Smooth criminal - just imagine Mickeal Jackson's moves

Technobabble - I love being a trekkie

Lighting hammer - I'm Thor

Eruption - wow, it's Pompei again

Obsidian flesh - now what kind of skin treatment is that?

Ice prison - it's not 66% movement reduction, I can't move!