It was a Tuesday, the anniversery of my father's death, yet I felt nothing. All I remember about him is his absence throughout my life and how my Grandfather, his father, would take care of me, He would shed his pristene armour just to play with me. So many things he would give me when we met, it was as though my existence had a greater meaning to him, though he would usually put them away in a vault just for me. My grandfather had been an Emissary for the White Mantle so he also had very little time. He's Been an Emissary for as long as I can remember. His post with the White Mantle lead him eventually to be in a guarded confidence with King Adelburne after a lengthy time of trial after trial to prove his honor and loyalty, although Adelburne never fully trusted him. My grandfather used to love to tell of his many exploits through Ascalon.
I can remember a story he would tell from the time I was 5 years old, when he would take me with on some simple mission. Looking back I guess he missed his son, my father. He would always start out, "My dear boy I may have told you this before, but this time I shall answer all your questions." He would tell me this story and always stop at the same point, eventually distracting my attention and never answering my questions. As you are most trustworthy I share this with you in it's entirety...
Snow falls on the remnants of what was once a peaceful village, the only one in this area. One could say it is more peaceful now but for the sound of groans from deep beneath the ice and snow that seem to echo with each falling snow flake. Occasionally the chirping bark of a scream, almost a yelp, is heard in the air. These are the scream of a fate sealed by the ignorance of power and the King that weilds it. No they are not from Ascalon, nor from Rin, or any of what was once the certain dominion of humanity. No this is a Charr village on their homeworld at the beginning of what for them is the end of all time, losing all they had ever known.
You ask yourself, "So they have lost everything?" "So the Charr are dead and we need not fear them any longer?" Although these things are what you wish to hear, there could be nothing further from the truth. There is so much more I must tell you, it is a long yarn that takes us through the memory of one of this villages most common inhabitants.
Kerrras Blauxus is a kindly soul who studied all the arcane and other realms of Charr mysticism by the age of 35 triannums ("years" to the Charr). His goal is to learn how to relieve his people, of their wanting, of their poverty, of all suffering to free the Charr from all bondage. This was his lifelong dream, one he felt he may never achieve always fearing he would die long before his great uncle who lived to be a ripe old 344 triannums. Looking to the sky, Kerrras admires the light and heat from one of their 3 suns each sun holds the other and their satellites such as the Charr homeworld, in a delicate balance. He inquires of himself again for the millionth time, "If only my people knew of the worm hole just beyond our suns horizons."
You see Kerrras knew of the worm hole from his studies, yet he shared it with no one, not even the Charr leaders. Understand the Charr were masters of the chant and thought to be masters of the crystals which unbeknownst to them, but known to Kerrras, were tapping into the energy from the worm hole. This of course was the State's official "science," a fiction to Kerrras that should he ever share what he knew would unravel their society from it's very core, a society grown dependent on the crystals for their energy, their protection, their "religion."
Hands open before him and about to rub his face to wake from exhastion Kerrras continues his trek to the Palace. He hasn't had much rest, in fact it has been 12 sun rises and 8 sunsets since he slept. He cannot shake this dream with these sounds, these chriping barks, the groaning and why there was no light. The light most troubling as it is never dark on a world with 3 suns, there is no time it isn't hot and bright. The vision, this dream, with it's combined symbols, most unsettling, so foreign and mysterious, yet he can share it with no one for it could panic the entire Charr into self-destruction.
Kerrras is a child prodigy known for his gift of sight. A gift that has brought him great fame and wealth for his age. As with any race adulthood begins at a certain age, for the Charr that age is 140 triannums, some 20 triannums more than when their King, Rexaultus, ascended to the throne.
Rexaultus a King of little wisdom yet the elder to Kerrras, and who gives kerrras the visions to "forsee" then makes them happen. A ruthless politician whose only rival is the peoples restlessness without a grand hero to cheer. Kerrras is merely a player in the larger scheme of King Rexaultus' whose titles by these "conquests" incorporate the entire Charr homeworld.
Though feudal it is a simple reign for Rexaultus, he merely tells Kerrras "your vision, the one you proclaim your gift of, is the destruction of a village by boulders falling from the sky!" Kerrras walks to the designated place where the King's Seer is to become entranced and begins the traditional intonations, each crystal vibrating in acknowledgement, Kerrras eyes a fire from the reflection of the red crystal in the center of his podium--the redness of the crystal signifying he tells the truth of the future--and then he begins to tell the vision, the lie he is told to tell to the Charr, the crystal red throughout. The King, in the act of surprise, sends half his men to deliver the Charr from harm, while the other half wait for the evacuations to be completed before destroying the village with boulders rolled off the mountains above. Though the Charr are homeless they thank their King for their lives, Rexaultus the ever vigilant clever hero of propaganda throughout 300 triannums of their history to be sure.
Kerrras didn't want to be in this position in life but when Kerrras was younger he looked up to Rexaultus. Rexaultus would come with his father to meet with Kerrras's father in designing the crystal clusters to harness the energy they thought was coming from the crystals. Rexaultus would play with Kerrras, would help Kerrras put crystals together, crystals Karrras had gathered from below the sand swirls around their home, until they were perfectly tuned. Rexaultus taught kerrras how to hum properly, how to pitch perfectly from the first sound so the crystals would go to frequency and make energy.
One night when Kerrras was about 25 triannums old Kerrras awoke with a vision, a vision of an eruption that would destroy 3 towns and kill 10s of thousands of Charr. Kerrras told Rexaultus the following day, describing structures and statues. Rexaultus, 110 triannums old then very strong and capable as any human teenager, remembered seeing these thing in Angoparrroax and knew these were villages Kerrras could never have seen as he was too young to visit on his own. Knowing that if this is ignored 10s of thousands of Charr would die, Rexaultus took to his father's crystal laboratory and using the crystals studied the lands around Angoparrroax for 3 days, and then saw the fault and lava flows. He asked his father Darrrine to take a look at what he saw. Rexaultus realized Kerrras was right and he didn't have much time. Darrrine saw what his son found and began to tear knowing how much could be lost if he doesn't bring this to the King.
Darrrine was in the High Council to then King Jorrrel, he showed the King what he found. King Jorrrel believe Darrrine and marched armies to Angoparrroax, evacuating almost everyone when...the catastrophe began to occur. The ground opened up under Darrrine, who is not a physical Charr of any presence and lost his balance falling in as the ground closed upon him. Now King Jorrrel being 300 Triannums old, without wife, without son and likely to never have either by natural means, and, feeling indebted to Darrrine took Rexaultus as his own son by Royal Decree.
King Jorrrel died before his time at the age of 310 triannums. King Rexaultus, after ascending the throne, felt indebted to Kerrras and made him the Royal seer much to the disagreement of most of the Charr homeworld. Kerrras of course proved worthy of his title, but more important Rexaultus knew that Kerrras would be his best protection of the Charr homeworld if anything were to threaten it, as Kerrras would have a vision before it occured.
This is why Kerrras says what ever Rexaltus tells him to say, and why Kerrras cannot share what his true vision is. Rexaltus will not believe him, he is too far gone on the pompus road. Too lost in how incredible a leader he is, believeing the tales he has manufactured as some great feats that are due the peoples admiration, love, and obedience...that is until the first time their whole homeworld rumbled.
Immediately King Rexaultus publically calls on Kerrras and asks "Why didn't you see this coming? Is there anything else you haven't told the King who made you and now holds your life in his hands?" . Kerrras tells him,"There would be no denying some things haven't been told but all things have been foretold even if unheard." These words of Kerrras' a tyrant doesn't take lightly--his power is reliant on people believing he is what he is not. Rexaultus thinking Kerrras may know more exiles Kerrras to an island at the top of the Pentagram of Direction (A 5-pointed compass, per se, top being our "north.") and is to live there until he dies for whatever reason unless he tells the King Everything he knows.
Well that was 200 triannums ago. Now Kerrras who has lost count of the rest he has lost, waits peacefully, quietly one more day. He knows the time is near, the world has shaken most of their cities to the ground over these many triannums since the first one. At lease his place of exile became a village of exiles. You see those who were saved by Kerrrus first vision, the people of Angoparrroax and their decendents, spoke out against King Rexaultus after learning of Kerrras exile, to be with he that saved theirs and their loved ones lives. They trust his vision, and looking back, they could smell King Rexaultus' doings behind what Kerrras had foretold--always seemingly at a time when the King is not so popular, or wants to tax them, maybe deny them some use of the crystals...
The crystals! King Rexaultus has endeavoured to find the greatest crystal smiths, the most accomplished crystal scientists, the Sirrrantese, those Charr with incomparable vocal clarity are in his employ, everyone, everything they conceived to complete his 50 triannums in building crystal project. This is the largest and longest project of its kind, employing crystal clusters around the entire Charr homeworld. It is hoped this one invoking all at once of all these strategically placed crystals shall stabilize the entire planet.
Kerrras can feel the moment of something immense is upon them, he tells the entire village, "Travel to the 4th pentagram point, no matter what travel until you can reach the 4th pentagram point and can see the 3rd sun rising from the 2nd pentagram point for the 5th time. They beg him to share his vision and he tells them, "It is not what I see, it is what I know and I have shared it with you now. Thank you all for your kindness. Now please go as I have told...AND I MEAN NOW! PLEASE JUST GO!" Never have they heard him yell in all the time they had known him. They go immediately without packing, without any delay at all, knowing they came here to do as Kerrras vision told them to do...
As the 3rd sun rises from the 2nd pentagram point for the 5th time, King Jorrrell has shown all the patience he can. Though their crystal science has suggested they must wait 4 the 2nd sun to rise its 11th time for his project to be a success, he is King Rexaultus and he shall not wait any longer, the clusters have been in place for 8 triannums, everything checked and re-checked all these triannums. King Rexaultus orders the Sirrrantese, they who will invoke the prescribed tone, be immediately prepared and stationed for his command. Their greatest firemaker is before King Rexaultus to light a signal fire in the all 5 directions and syncronize the invocation perfectly in one instant....Rexaultus raises the Royal Crystal of Jorrrell and points to the firemaker, the fire is started. The signal perfectly moving through the sky and all at once you hear the tone as though one voice around the entire Charr world, the crystal clusters begin to illuminate....
Kerrras hears this and, sitting in his village alone takes to one of the rock cluster huts that has been patched hoping the sound will be dulled....
As the crystals become white with energy the Charr homeworld rocks on it's axis and begins to move out of orbit between the suns, toward the wormhole. There is a an arching of light that begins reaching out from behind the suns to the Charr homeworld. A blue lightning flashing more and more often until a solid light with glows, pulses of energy, some energy "raining" down on the charr as almost a pillar of plasma. They run for cover in fear as there has never been anything that "rained" on the Charr homeworld.
King Rexaultus, his eyes full of tears from fear of impending doom receives an even more horrifying spectacle. He looks up at the sky from his castle threshhold as though looking for answers from above to see 2 of the suns are in one part of the sky at the same time and a darkness is starting to come into view, wait now it's all 3 suns and they becoming ever smaller. King Rexaultus kneels, tilts his head back with eyes shut and extends his arms saying, "Strike me! This is my doing! Strike me now!" None would know the Charr homeworld is being pulled into the worm hole by the resonant frequency of the energy they've been tapping into but now is encapsulating their world, the entire planet pulled in, the suns appearing to collide in the distance as the worm hole closes....moments later the wormhole opens as its energy has been reclaimed. The Charr homeworld released.
The Charr, for the most part, surviving the trip through the worm hole wonder in shock if their other suns were destroyed as it is less bright, less warm, and there is only one sun in the horizon while in the sky appear slow "smoke like" bodies that grow and travel with the wind. Their crystals--though still having some powers--are no longer "producing" any energy, no longer protecting them, they are feeling cold and beaten as the Charr experience darkness for their first time.
Kerrras, unable to open his eyes, only hearing those chirping barks, the yelps from his vision emitting from his own lips, realizing it was he at the bottom of the village though now in a sub-arctic climate. Each symbol he can see around him only by remembering his vision. Each snow flake landing far above him, yet he can feel pain from them and their lack of any warmth in this darkness, this "cold." Kerrrus appeals to his Arcane Lords for mercy from all these mysteries from his vision being fulfilled . He believes they punish him by a Divine Death in their realm and at their Will. He Prays to his 5 Arcane Lords, each with their own language of invocation to grant mercy. His plea: "Spare me this, relieve me of this gift, this curse of site you gave me, and I shall right the wrong I have caused!" Kerrrus believes he could have prevented all of this by having never trusted Rexaultus, never telling of his first vision. To right this is to destroy King Rexaultus by the powers Kerrrus can conjure in the center of the Charr Pentagram--To release the Arcane Lords to reign once more! Kerrras Prays throughout the night his chirping barks weakening, his suffering appearing near an end by mortality when a sudden gust of wind swirls above the snow that burried he and the village, a seemingly directed force that appears to be digging...
Here is where he would stop with "and Kerrras was saved. Let's move on to Piken Sqare," or "...it is late we best both get some rest. Goodnight." I must confess that when I was a boy and this story was told to me, I could only ask, the same questions. However one time at age 13 I asked them again, the last one that usually got the disruption, "What has this to do with Ascalon, with Tyria?" To my surprise he began, "Alright you are ready to know one of the Great Secrets. You are about to know what those around you would deny, would even prove is wrong. However this isn't a battle over moral high ground son, this is about keeping this as well as the many Great Secrets from being bantored around for such trivial nonsense. So now to the true end of this tale....I swear to you as my blood runneth in your veins, the Charr planet landed in a parallel dimension, an identical space to our planet more than 4 centuries ago. Understand since that time we and the Charr co-exist in but do not share the same location. You must also understand the Charr are enemies to Ascalon but do not concern we White Mantle." I suddenly remembered 13 was the age of induction into the White Mantle, my heart skipped a beat and was in my throat as I gulped ever so quietly. My grandfather continued, "Anyway my boy that is enough of the Charr, as, surely you realize it is time you act on who you are and were born to be, it's in your Blood. We, are White Mantle through-and-through you and I. We share the same blood as Saul D'Alsessio by ritual My many father's fathers before me had done with him. With what I have shared with you I am confident this awakens your Mantle Blood and you can see why we as Mantle together with our brethren must protect the Great Secrets at all cost even each others lives. The history of the Charr is just one of the many secrets you will learn my son as you gain experience and learn the skill of battle."
It was in this instant I realized I had been groomed White Mantle. My life knowing my grandfather was to bring me to what my father who I had never met had lived and had died for--My mother left me a sealed letter before she left where she told me my father hated the White Mantle, of course this is the woman that abandoned me here. No matter, at least now I can learn the reason for his death, his absence, has a chance to be explained. I turned toward my grandfather and said, "Yes Grandfather, I am compelled to continue my father's legacy as it is our blood our family heritage!" He replied, "The feats of honor and loyalty of our lineage extend throughout the known history of the White Mantle Archives! You must swear as long as you draw breath that none who are not Mantle shall know any one of the Great Secrets!" Looking into his eyes with the love of a grandson who had found the part of his heart that had been lost, yet curiously more invigorated, I replied, "On my father's grave I swear my life!"
**Please forgive my inaccuracies or other mistake it's a story that began running through my mind and I felt I had to at least try to convey it.
*Edit* I made some edits after reviewing it some more. I will continue to do that in hopes it becomes a nice read. No reason to go any farther until what is here conveys well what is intended by it as a story.
The Other Searing
Sin
William of Orange
Alright, so I finally read it through, and here are my first impressions:
Plot: I have yet to see a storyline run such as yours has Sin, so it's nice to see that there are people out there who are willing to take the time and create something unique, rather than just using the cookie-cutter to make something generic.Editing: I won't sugarcoat it for you; it's still very sloppy. I had to reread some lines over again until I could finally get exactly what was being said, and there are still some punctuation/grammatical/spelling errors spread throughout the story. Give it a run through Word's Spell Checker and editing it that way for fast, efficient results. Also, the three paragraphs were somewhat hectic, and I wasn't able to quite catch exactly what the "Great Secret" was. Reread it a couple more times, and see if there is anything you'd like to add/remove to make sure your point gets across, and then I'll read it again.
Keep working on it though, the only way you can go is up.
Plot: I have yet to see a storyline run such as yours has Sin, so it's nice to see that there are people out there who are willing to take the time and create something unique, rather than just using the cookie-cutter to make something generic.
Keep working on it though, the only way you can go is up.
Sin
Hahaha thanks for the feedback. I plan to. I needed another set of eyes to look at it though to catch those typos etc. I don't have word so, having do to this on my own.
Thanks again for the feedback though.
Thanks again for the feedback though.
William of Orange
Well, lucky for you I do have Word...
>>Snow falls on the remnants of what was once a peaceful village, the only one in this area. Peaceful but for the groans from every falling snow flake, groans coming from underneath the ice and snow. Occasionally the chirping bark of a scream is heard. A fate sealed by the ignorance of power, and the King that wields it. No they are not from Ascalon, nor from Rin, or any of what was once the dominion of men. No this is a Charr village on their home world at the beginning of the end of all they had known.
Kerrras Blauxus, a kindly soul who studied all the arcane and other realms of mysticism by age of 35 triannums. His goal was to learn how these abilities would relieve his people, the Charr, of their wanting, of their poverty, of all suffering. He wouldn't get to live to be as old as his grandfather, 344 triannums--Their world one that moves between 3 suns which hold each and their satellites such as the Charr home world in a delicate balance. If only they knew of the worm hole just beyond albedo.
You see Kerrras knew of the worm hole from his studies, yet he shared it with no one, even their leaders, who were masters of the chant and of the crystals which unbeknownst to them were tapping into the energy of the worm hole. This of course was "science." A fiction to Kerrras studies, that, if he were to share what he knew would unravel the entire fabric of their society.
Now Kerrras hasn't had much rest, in fact it has been 12 sun rises and 8 sunsets since he slept. He cannot shake the dream of the snow; he cannot understand what snow is. You see it is never dark on a world with 3 suns; there are no clouds in the sky from moisture and all the things normal to a human world. There is no "water" whatsoever at all. The vision, this dream, is most unsettling, its symbols so foreign and mysterious, yet he can share it with no one for it could panic the entire Charr into self-destruction.
Understand Kerrras is a child prodigy, known for his gift of sight. Charr adulthood begins at 140 triannums of age, some 20 triannums more than when their King Rexaultus ascended to the throne. Rexaultus a King of little wisdom yet the elder to Kerrras, and who "gives" Kerrras the visions to foresee then makes them happen. Kerrras looks the hero of course but pales in comparison to the King Rexaultus Hero whose titles incorporate the entire Charr home world. The King tells Kerrras "your vision, the one you see, is the destruction of a village by boulders falling from the sky!" Kerrras walks to the designated space where the King's Seer is to speak and tells the vision he is told to tell. The King, in the act of surprise, sends half his men to deliver the Charr from harm, while the other half destroys the village with boulders rolled off the mountains above. Though the Charr are homeless they thank their King for their lives.
Kerrras didn't want to be in this position in life but when Kerras was younger he looked up to Rexaultus. Rexaultus would come with his father to meet with Kerras' father in designing the crystal clusters to harness the energy they thought was coming from the crystals. Rexaultus would play with Kerrras, would help Kerras put crystals together, crystals Kerras had gathered from below the sand swirls around their home, until they were perfectly tuned. Rexaultus taught Kerras how to hum properly, how to pitch perfectly from the first sound so the crystals would go to frequency and make energy.
One night when Kerrras was about 25 triannums old Kerrras awoke with a vision, a vision of an eruption that would destroy 3 towns and kill 10s of thousands of Charr. Kerrras told Rexaultus the following day, describing structures and statues. Rexaultus, 110 triannums old then very strong and capable as any human teenager, remembered seeing these things in Angoparrroax and knew these were villages Kerrras could never have seen as he was too young to visit on his own. Knowing that if this is ignored 10s of thousands of Charr would die, Rexaultus took to his father's crystal laboratory and using the crystals studied the lands around Angoparrroax for 3 days, and then saw the fault and lava flows. He asked his father Darrrine to take a look at what he saw. Rexaultus realized Kerrras was right and he didn't have much time. Darrrine saw what his son found and began to tear knowing how much could be lost if he doesn't bring this to the King.
Darrrine was in the High Council to then King Jorrrel, he showed the King what he found. King Jorrrel believed Darrrine and marched armies to Angoparrroax, evacuating almost everyone when...the catastrophe began to occur. The ground opened up under Darrrine, who is not a physical Charr of any presence and lost his balance falling in as the ground closed upon him. Now King Jorrrel being 300 Triannums old, without wife, without son and likely to never have either by natural means, and, feeling indebted to Darrrine took Rexaultus as his own son by Royal Decree.
King Jorrrel died before his time at the age of 310 triannums. King Rexaultus, after ascending the throne, felt indebted to Kerrras and made him the Royal seer much to the disagreement of most of the Charr home world. Kerrras of course proved worthy of his title, but more important Rexaultus knew that Kerrras would be his best protection of the Charr home world if anything were to threaten it, as Kerrras would have a vision before it occurred.
This is why Kerrras says what ever Rexaltus tells him to say, and why Kerrras cannot share what his true vision is. Rexaltus will not believe him; he is too far gone on the pompous road. Too lost in how incredible a leader he is, believing the tales he has manufactured as some great feats that are due the peoples admiration, love, and obedience...that is until the first time their whole home world rumbled.
Immediately King Rexaultus publicly calls on Kerrras and asks "Why didn't you see this coming? Is there anything else you haven't told the King who made you and now holds your life in his hands?" Kerrras tells him, "There would be no denying some things haven't been told but all things have been foretold even if unheard." These words of Kerrras' a tyrant doesn't take lightly--his power is reliant on people believing he is what he is not. Rexaultus thinking Kerrras may know more exiles Kerrras to an island at the top of the Pentagram of Direction (A 5-pointed compass, per se, top being our "north.") and is to live there until he dies for whatever reason unless he tells the King Everything he knows.
Well that was 200 triannums ago. Now Kerrras, who has lost count of the rest he has lost, waits quietly and peacefully for one more day. He knows the time is near; the world has shaken most of their cities to the ground over these many triannums since the first one. At lease his place of exile became a village of exiles. You see those who were saved by Kerras first vision, the people of Angoparrroax and their descendents, spoke out against King Rexaultus after learning of Kerrras exile, to be with he that saved theirs and their loved ones lives. They trust his vision, and looking back, they could smell King Rexaultus' doings behind what Kerrras had foretold--always seemingly at a time when the King is not so popular, or wants to tax them, maybe deny them some use of the crystals...
The crystals! King Rexaultus has endeavored to find the greatest crystal smiths, the most accomplished crystal scientists, the Sirrrantese, those Charr with incomparable vocal clarity are in his employ, everyone, and everything they conceived to complete his 50 triannums in building crystal project. This is the largest and longest project of its kind, employing crystal clusters around the entire Charr home world. It is hoped this one invoking all at once of all these strategically placed crystals shall stabilize the entire planet.
Kerrras can feel the moment of something immense is upon them, he tells the entire village, "Travel to the 4th pentagram point, no matter what travel until you can reach the 4th pentagram point and can see the 3rd sun rising from the 2nd pentagram point for the 5th time. They beg him to share his vision and he tells them, "It is not what I see, it is what I know and I have shared it with you now. Thank you all for your kindness. Now please go as I have told...AND I MEAN NOW! PLEASE JUST GO!" Never have they heard him yell in all the time they had known him. They go immediately without packing, without any delay at all, knowing they came here to do as Kerrras vision told them to do...
As the 3rd sun rises from the 2nd pentagram point for the 5th time, King Jorrrell has shown all the patience he can. Though their crystal science has suggested they must wait 4 the 2nd sun to rise its 11th time for his project to be a success, he is King Rexaultus and he shall not wait any longer, the clusters have been in place for 8 triannums, everything checked and re-checked all these triannums. King Rexaultus orders the Sirrrantese, they who will invoke the prescribed tone, be immediately prepared and stationed for his command. Their greatest firemaker is before King Rexaultus to light a signal fire in the all 5 directions and synchronize the invocation perfectly in one instant....Rexaultus raises the Royal Crystal of Jorrrell and points to the firemaker, the fire is started. The signal perfectly moving through the sky and all at once you hear the tone as though one voice around the entire Charr world, the crystal clusters begin to illuminate....
Kerrras hears this and, sitting in his village alone takes to one of the rock cluster huts that has been patched hoping the sound will be dulled....
As the crystals become white with energy the Charr home world rocks on its axis and begins to move out of orbit between the suns, toward the wormhole. There is an arching of light that begins reaching out from behind the suns to the Charr home world. Blue lightning flashes more and more often until a solid light with glows, pulses of energy, some energy "raining" down on the Charr as almost a pillar of plasma. They run for cover in fear as there has never been anything that "rained" on the Charr home world.
King Rexaultus, his eyes full of tears from fear of impending doom receives an even more horrifying spectacle. He looks up at the sky from his castle threshold as though looking for answers from above to see 2 of the suns are in one part of the sky at the same time and darkness is starting to come into view, wait now it's all 3 suns and they becoming ever smaller. King Rexaultus kneels, tilts his head back with eyes shut and extends his arms saying, "Strike me! This is my doing! Strike me now!" None would know the Charr home world is being pulled into the worm hole by the resonant frequency of the energy they've been tapping into but now is encapsulating their world....
The wormhole opens and closes once the energy is absorbed, and stabilizes releasing the Charr home world into another galaxy?....
The Charr, for the most part surviving the trip through the worm hole discover they have one sun, a sky with dark ominous clouds. They also find that their crystals--though still having some powers--are no longer producing any energy, no longer protecting them, they are feeling chilled, and, as the sun goes down, the Charr experience darkness for the first time; there's some white "sun," but it looks odd in the sky and isn't very bright, not warming, luckily their firemaker is burning whatever he can find...
Kerrras, unable to open his eyes, only hearing those chirping barks from his vision emitting from himself now at the bottom of his village now in a sub-arctic climate. Each symbol he can see around him only by remembering his vision. Each snow flake landing far above him, yet he can feel pain from them and this lack of any warmth in the darkness, this "cold." Because of all these mysteries and his vision being fulfilled Kerras appeals to his Arcane Lords for mercy. He believes he is being taken to a Divine Death at their Will. He prays to his 5 Arcane Lords, each with their own language of invocation to grant mercy. His plea: "Spare me, and I shall right the wrong I have caused!" In Kerras deepest being he believes he could have prevented all of this by having never told Rexaultus of his first vision. To right this is to destroy King Rexaultus by the powers Kerras can conjure in the center of the Charr Pentagram--To release the Arcane Lord to rule once more! Kerrras prays throughout the night, his chirping barks weakening, his suffering appearing near an end, when a sudden gust of wind swirls above the snow, burying him and the village in a seemingly directed force...
I must confess that when I was a boy and this story was told to me, I could only ask, "What has this to do with Ascalon, with Tyria?" My grandfather, an ambassador for the White Mantle, would just shush me to sleep. He was once in a guarded confidence of King Adelburn after a lengthy time, although Adelburn never fully trusted my grandfather, and I never knew why.
Eventually at 13 years of age this great man, my grandfather, explained the end of the Charr tale to me. All told it explained many things..."Alright you are ready to know one of the Great Secrets. You are about to know what those around you would deny, would even prove is wrong. However, this isn't a battle over moral high ground son; this is about keeping the Great Secrets from being bantered around for such trivial nonsense. I swear to you as my blood the Charr planet landed in a parallel dimension, an identical space to the planet Tyria is on more than 4 centuries ago. Now we and the Charr co-exist in but do not share the same location. You must understand too the Charr are enemies to Ascalon but do not concern us. Anyway my boy that is enough of the Charr, as, surely you realize it is time you act on who you are and were born to be, it's in your Blood." I suddenly realized 13 was the age of induction into the White Mantle, my heart skipped a beat. My grandfather continued, "My boy we, you and I, are White Mantle through-and-through. With what I have shared with you I am confident you can see why we as Mantle together with our Mantle Brothers must protect the Great Secrets at all cost even each others lives."
It was in that instant I realized I had been groomed White Mantle. My life knowing my grandfather was to bring me to what my father who I had never met had lived and had died for. Finally the reason for his death, his absence, has a chance to be explained. I said, "Yes grandfather, I am compelled to continue his legacy as it is our blood our family heritage!" He replied, "Our lineage extends throughout the known history of the White Mantle Archives! You must swear as long as you can draw breath that none who are not Mantle shall know the Great Secrets!" Looking into his eyes with the love of a grandson who had found the part of his heart that had been lost I spoke, "On my father's grave I swear my life!"<<
If I knew more of where you were trying to go with the story and what exactly you wanted to say, I'd fix it more. But all I did was go through with the Spell Checker, clean up any obvious mistakes, and glanced through it a little bit more for some less noticeable ones. So you'll still have to do some work on it Sin.
Also, you need to pick a tense to use throughout the piece and stick with it. It seemed like it liked to switch back and forth between present and past tense. Just a thought.
>>Snow falls on the remnants of what was once a peaceful village, the only one in this area. Peaceful but for the groans from every falling snow flake, groans coming from underneath the ice and snow. Occasionally the chirping bark of a scream is heard. A fate sealed by the ignorance of power, and the King that wields it. No they are not from Ascalon, nor from Rin, or any of what was once the dominion of men. No this is a Charr village on their home world at the beginning of the end of all they had known.
Kerrras Blauxus, a kindly soul who studied all the arcane and other realms of mysticism by age of 35 triannums. His goal was to learn how these abilities would relieve his people, the Charr, of their wanting, of their poverty, of all suffering. He wouldn't get to live to be as old as his grandfather, 344 triannums--Their world one that moves between 3 suns which hold each and their satellites such as the Charr home world in a delicate balance. If only they knew of the worm hole just beyond albedo.
You see Kerrras knew of the worm hole from his studies, yet he shared it with no one, even their leaders, who were masters of the chant and of the crystals which unbeknownst to them were tapping into the energy of the worm hole. This of course was "science." A fiction to Kerrras studies, that, if he were to share what he knew would unravel the entire fabric of their society.
Now Kerrras hasn't had much rest, in fact it has been 12 sun rises and 8 sunsets since he slept. He cannot shake the dream of the snow; he cannot understand what snow is. You see it is never dark on a world with 3 suns; there are no clouds in the sky from moisture and all the things normal to a human world. There is no "water" whatsoever at all. The vision, this dream, is most unsettling, its symbols so foreign and mysterious, yet he can share it with no one for it could panic the entire Charr into self-destruction.
Understand Kerrras is a child prodigy, known for his gift of sight. Charr adulthood begins at 140 triannums of age, some 20 triannums more than when their King Rexaultus ascended to the throne. Rexaultus a King of little wisdom yet the elder to Kerrras, and who "gives" Kerrras the visions to foresee then makes them happen. Kerrras looks the hero of course but pales in comparison to the King Rexaultus Hero whose titles incorporate the entire Charr home world. The King tells Kerrras "your vision, the one you see, is the destruction of a village by boulders falling from the sky!" Kerrras walks to the designated space where the King's Seer is to speak and tells the vision he is told to tell. The King, in the act of surprise, sends half his men to deliver the Charr from harm, while the other half destroys the village with boulders rolled off the mountains above. Though the Charr are homeless they thank their King for their lives.
Kerrras didn't want to be in this position in life but when Kerras was younger he looked up to Rexaultus. Rexaultus would come with his father to meet with Kerras' father in designing the crystal clusters to harness the energy they thought was coming from the crystals. Rexaultus would play with Kerrras, would help Kerras put crystals together, crystals Kerras had gathered from below the sand swirls around their home, until they were perfectly tuned. Rexaultus taught Kerras how to hum properly, how to pitch perfectly from the first sound so the crystals would go to frequency and make energy.
One night when Kerrras was about 25 triannums old Kerrras awoke with a vision, a vision of an eruption that would destroy 3 towns and kill 10s of thousands of Charr. Kerrras told Rexaultus the following day, describing structures and statues. Rexaultus, 110 triannums old then very strong and capable as any human teenager, remembered seeing these things in Angoparrroax and knew these were villages Kerrras could never have seen as he was too young to visit on his own. Knowing that if this is ignored 10s of thousands of Charr would die, Rexaultus took to his father's crystal laboratory and using the crystals studied the lands around Angoparrroax for 3 days, and then saw the fault and lava flows. He asked his father Darrrine to take a look at what he saw. Rexaultus realized Kerrras was right and he didn't have much time. Darrrine saw what his son found and began to tear knowing how much could be lost if he doesn't bring this to the King.
Darrrine was in the High Council to then King Jorrrel, he showed the King what he found. King Jorrrel believed Darrrine and marched armies to Angoparrroax, evacuating almost everyone when...the catastrophe began to occur. The ground opened up under Darrrine, who is not a physical Charr of any presence and lost his balance falling in as the ground closed upon him. Now King Jorrrel being 300 Triannums old, without wife, without son and likely to never have either by natural means, and, feeling indebted to Darrrine took Rexaultus as his own son by Royal Decree.
King Jorrrel died before his time at the age of 310 triannums. King Rexaultus, after ascending the throne, felt indebted to Kerrras and made him the Royal seer much to the disagreement of most of the Charr home world. Kerrras of course proved worthy of his title, but more important Rexaultus knew that Kerrras would be his best protection of the Charr home world if anything were to threaten it, as Kerrras would have a vision before it occurred.
This is why Kerrras says what ever Rexaltus tells him to say, and why Kerrras cannot share what his true vision is. Rexaltus will not believe him; he is too far gone on the pompous road. Too lost in how incredible a leader he is, believing the tales he has manufactured as some great feats that are due the peoples admiration, love, and obedience...that is until the first time their whole home world rumbled.
Immediately King Rexaultus publicly calls on Kerrras and asks "Why didn't you see this coming? Is there anything else you haven't told the King who made you and now holds your life in his hands?" Kerrras tells him, "There would be no denying some things haven't been told but all things have been foretold even if unheard." These words of Kerrras' a tyrant doesn't take lightly--his power is reliant on people believing he is what he is not. Rexaultus thinking Kerrras may know more exiles Kerrras to an island at the top of the Pentagram of Direction (A 5-pointed compass, per se, top being our "north.") and is to live there until he dies for whatever reason unless he tells the King Everything he knows.
Well that was 200 triannums ago. Now Kerrras, who has lost count of the rest he has lost, waits quietly and peacefully for one more day. He knows the time is near; the world has shaken most of their cities to the ground over these many triannums since the first one. At lease his place of exile became a village of exiles. You see those who were saved by Kerras first vision, the people of Angoparrroax and their descendents, spoke out against King Rexaultus after learning of Kerrras exile, to be with he that saved theirs and their loved ones lives. They trust his vision, and looking back, they could smell King Rexaultus' doings behind what Kerrras had foretold--always seemingly at a time when the King is not so popular, or wants to tax them, maybe deny them some use of the crystals...
The crystals! King Rexaultus has endeavored to find the greatest crystal smiths, the most accomplished crystal scientists, the Sirrrantese, those Charr with incomparable vocal clarity are in his employ, everyone, and everything they conceived to complete his 50 triannums in building crystal project. This is the largest and longest project of its kind, employing crystal clusters around the entire Charr home world. It is hoped this one invoking all at once of all these strategically placed crystals shall stabilize the entire planet.
Kerrras can feel the moment of something immense is upon them, he tells the entire village, "Travel to the 4th pentagram point, no matter what travel until you can reach the 4th pentagram point and can see the 3rd sun rising from the 2nd pentagram point for the 5th time. They beg him to share his vision and he tells them, "It is not what I see, it is what I know and I have shared it with you now. Thank you all for your kindness. Now please go as I have told...AND I MEAN NOW! PLEASE JUST GO!" Never have they heard him yell in all the time they had known him. They go immediately without packing, without any delay at all, knowing they came here to do as Kerrras vision told them to do...
As the 3rd sun rises from the 2nd pentagram point for the 5th time, King Jorrrell has shown all the patience he can. Though their crystal science has suggested they must wait 4 the 2nd sun to rise its 11th time for his project to be a success, he is King Rexaultus and he shall not wait any longer, the clusters have been in place for 8 triannums, everything checked and re-checked all these triannums. King Rexaultus orders the Sirrrantese, they who will invoke the prescribed tone, be immediately prepared and stationed for his command. Their greatest firemaker is before King Rexaultus to light a signal fire in the all 5 directions and synchronize the invocation perfectly in one instant....Rexaultus raises the Royal Crystal of Jorrrell and points to the firemaker, the fire is started. The signal perfectly moving through the sky and all at once you hear the tone as though one voice around the entire Charr world, the crystal clusters begin to illuminate....
Kerrras hears this and, sitting in his village alone takes to one of the rock cluster huts that has been patched hoping the sound will be dulled....
As the crystals become white with energy the Charr home world rocks on its axis and begins to move out of orbit between the suns, toward the wormhole. There is an arching of light that begins reaching out from behind the suns to the Charr home world. Blue lightning flashes more and more often until a solid light with glows, pulses of energy, some energy "raining" down on the Charr as almost a pillar of plasma. They run for cover in fear as there has never been anything that "rained" on the Charr home world.
King Rexaultus, his eyes full of tears from fear of impending doom receives an even more horrifying spectacle. He looks up at the sky from his castle threshold as though looking for answers from above to see 2 of the suns are in one part of the sky at the same time and darkness is starting to come into view, wait now it's all 3 suns and they becoming ever smaller. King Rexaultus kneels, tilts his head back with eyes shut and extends his arms saying, "Strike me! This is my doing! Strike me now!" None would know the Charr home world is being pulled into the worm hole by the resonant frequency of the energy they've been tapping into but now is encapsulating their world....
The wormhole opens and closes once the energy is absorbed, and stabilizes releasing the Charr home world into another galaxy?....
The Charr, for the most part surviving the trip through the worm hole discover they have one sun, a sky with dark ominous clouds. They also find that their crystals--though still having some powers--are no longer producing any energy, no longer protecting them, they are feeling chilled, and, as the sun goes down, the Charr experience darkness for the first time; there's some white "sun," but it looks odd in the sky and isn't very bright, not warming, luckily their firemaker is burning whatever he can find...
Kerrras, unable to open his eyes, only hearing those chirping barks from his vision emitting from himself now at the bottom of his village now in a sub-arctic climate. Each symbol he can see around him only by remembering his vision. Each snow flake landing far above him, yet he can feel pain from them and this lack of any warmth in the darkness, this "cold." Because of all these mysteries and his vision being fulfilled Kerras appeals to his Arcane Lords for mercy. He believes he is being taken to a Divine Death at their Will. He prays to his 5 Arcane Lords, each with their own language of invocation to grant mercy. His plea: "Spare me, and I shall right the wrong I have caused!" In Kerras deepest being he believes he could have prevented all of this by having never told Rexaultus of his first vision. To right this is to destroy King Rexaultus by the powers Kerras can conjure in the center of the Charr Pentagram--To release the Arcane Lord to rule once more! Kerrras prays throughout the night, his chirping barks weakening, his suffering appearing near an end, when a sudden gust of wind swirls above the snow, burying him and the village in a seemingly directed force...
I must confess that when I was a boy and this story was told to me, I could only ask, "What has this to do with Ascalon, with Tyria?" My grandfather, an ambassador for the White Mantle, would just shush me to sleep. He was once in a guarded confidence of King Adelburn after a lengthy time, although Adelburn never fully trusted my grandfather, and I never knew why.
Eventually at 13 years of age this great man, my grandfather, explained the end of the Charr tale to me. All told it explained many things..."Alright you are ready to know one of the Great Secrets. You are about to know what those around you would deny, would even prove is wrong. However, this isn't a battle over moral high ground son; this is about keeping the Great Secrets from being bantered around for such trivial nonsense. I swear to you as my blood the Charr planet landed in a parallel dimension, an identical space to the planet Tyria is on more than 4 centuries ago. Now we and the Charr co-exist in but do not share the same location. You must understand too the Charr are enemies to Ascalon but do not concern us. Anyway my boy that is enough of the Charr, as, surely you realize it is time you act on who you are and were born to be, it's in your Blood." I suddenly realized 13 was the age of induction into the White Mantle, my heart skipped a beat. My grandfather continued, "My boy we, you and I, are White Mantle through-and-through. With what I have shared with you I am confident you can see why we as Mantle together with our Mantle Brothers must protect the Great Secrets at all cost even each others lives."
It was in that instant I realized I had been groomed White Mantle. My life knowing my grandfather was to bring me to what my father who I had never met had lived and had died for. Finally the reason for his death, his absence, has a chance to be explained. I said, "Yes grandfather, I am compelled to continue his legacy as it is our blood our family heritage!" He replied, "Our lineage extends throughout the known history of the White Mantle Archives! You must swear as long as you can draw breath that none who are not Mantle shall know the Great Secrets!" Looking into his eyes with the love of a grandson who had found the part of his heart that had been lost I spoke, "On my father's grave I swear my life!"<<
If I knew more of where you were trying to go with the story and what exactly you wanted to say, I'd fix it more. But all I did was go through with the Spell Checker, clean up any obvious mistakes, and glanced through it a little bit more for some less noticeable ones. So you'll still have to do some work on it Sin.
Also, you need to pick a tense to use throughout the piece and stick with it. It seemed like it liked to switch back and forth between present and past tense. Just a thought.
Sin
Yes it is meant to switch tense, and no need to do this, it's fine.