Tek's guide to stop posting your inane crap

Ok, we all know these boards are awash with inane banter and teenage angst. But occasionally there is a gem, a priceless nugget of actual information and discussion that educates us and helps us grow as human beings. Or at least kill monks faster. But in 30 seconds, even in these prcious guru forums, important threads that you should read get bumped off by stupid crap. Hard numbers testing gets bumped by the two billionth “WhAts a g00d r4ngg3r!” thread. But I have a plan. I have created this FAQ, and what you should do before you EVER POST ANYTHING EVER is to read back over the FAQ and make sure your topic is not addressed. If it is addressed, then immediately not post. If it isn’t addressed, you still probably should not post. Because the goal of this FAQ is for you to not ask these questions by answering your questions. Nothing more nothing less. Note that I will also take my own advice and shut up after this, unless I have something non-retarded to say. Which is not likely!

vers. 1.03
How should I use this FAQ?
Why is this a question in FAQ’s? Are people this retarded? Anyways, you use this FAQ by reading over it anytime you have the unnatural desire to post. Either you will see your topic ridiculed, or be generally too embarrassed to post realizing that we don’t like you, which will mean this FAQ is a success.
What is the best char...
Primary: Warrior
Secondary: Monk

But what about...
No you're wrong. If you have to ask the first question you don't know enough about the game to ask the second. War/Mo is tried and true since WPE and is still good enough.

Confused about what to do? 12 hammer 10 Str 8 Smite for Offence or 12 Sword 10 Str 8 Healing for more Defence. Don't know which it choose? Do sword, why? Cause you you are gonna need the healing if you are still asking questions.

Why can't I...
Hammer is 2 handed so you can't use a shield. No there are no 2-handed axes or swords and no katanas either. Don't even think about dual wielding. No there will not be any until at least the first expansion stop suggesting it.

How is this R/x?
Another forums favorite. Listen most of these builds are insanely useless combining expertise to lower you're attack skills then adding something stupid like Searing Flame or Lightning Orb. Want a Simple effective Ranger? 12 Marks 10 x 8 Expertise. There you go now Build yourself around a core of attacks like Penetrating Shot and Power Shot and Barrage and add some complementary buffs from your secondary. Don't add Nukes; add Conjure X for damage increase or Judges Insight or more Armor Pentration and damage to undead.

Still confused? Go Rang/Mo. Are there better builds? Without a doubt, but you can figure that out on your own after you figured out the game. Still want to argue? Sorry roll a War/Mo you will be much better off.

What about...
No, pets suck don't do beastmastery

Look at my DoT...
DoT's are capped at 10 pips and while we are at so is healing. So don't post your 25 pip DoT build it won't do much and it is at best a damage augmentation.

Conjure Lightning + Lightning Bow...
Not a question but still something that pisses me off. Conjure lightning adds lightning damage and so does a lightning bow. If anything having the same Conjure x as Bow x WEAKENS your build cause if something is strong against the element you will do LESS damage than if they were different.
Poison Arrow
Is over rated at best pick a better elite or just don't play a ranger if you want to do DoTs.

How is this Illusionary Weapon build
Sorry its bad. I dont even have to see it. Illusionary Weapon is not that good and if you have to keep asking for advice about it your gonna end up gimping yourself in your play style anyways.

PS: Yes it does work with flurry and no it doesn't help much.

How is this X/War DPS melee character
It is bad. You lose too much damage giving up strength and there is nothing another class offer to make up for that 90% of the time. If you are asking this and not posting number crunching formulas then you should obviously switch your build to be War first.

Someone help me make a Nec/X
This is more so PvP as I have no problem PvE with them. There is hardly ANY situation that you should be Nec/X for PvP. Soulreaping is crap. Just accept it because by the time it works the macth is over one way or another. This goes DOUBLE for Nec/Mes. Why? Fast Casting is proven to only truly provide a great benefit to 2 sec or greater cast times and guess what? 90% of Necro cast times are 2sec or greater. WOW.

Someone help me with this pvp minion
No. Why? Minions are bad in PVP they don't do much and you will generally be disatisfied and complain on the forums so this is a precautionary measure.

XXX is broken and blah blah blah
Yes we know. We have tried with Fertile Seasons last BWE proving it is broken beyond belief to a dev himself in a match and so far nothing has been done. Even public outcry doesn't seem to do much so just sit back and abuse it till it gets fixed then scream about nerfs.

Your guide is stupid and doesn't help anyone?
No, Really? People want answers they got answers I already said my answers are not the best but if someone looks at this and decides not to post then my job is done.

you are so wrong on allmost everything there, that post is trash.

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I think many of your answers are too blunt. Like "What is the best character". There is no best character. The easiest is probably W/Mo. If you're starting off, like most people who ask what the best char is, you should play with W/Mo because it's easy.

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