Here's a short story...
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Mareal decided to go to the market to pick up some fresh fruits and vegetables for tonight's lunch and dinner. As she was walking by, she could not help notice the large mansion where Cynn lived. So many times she has walked by Cynn and asked her over for lunch or dinner. Each time was meet with being ignored or a psudo no thank you. Mareal herself was wondering why she kept asking.
This time she almost bumped in to Cynn. "Hello, I'm Mareal would you like to come over for lunch or dinner." Mareal blurted out before Cynn could react.
Cynn appeared to have a shock look on her face, "You keep asking that off and on don't you, who are you again?". Cynn appeared to actually look at here and notice, something that has not happened before. Mareal explained where she lived and how often she seen her walk or leave her mansion.
Mareal was very surprised to see Cynn actually consider the request, "hmm today I have this thing I have to attend to that's I can't get out of... but" (with a slight smirk) "I think I can change that and lunch does sound good in a few hours".
"See you in a few hours, you can count on it" Cynn replied and walked off.
Mareal was still in mild shock at Cynn when one of the merchants who sold jewelry of various types.
She was walking by one of the merchants still lost in thought. "Hey Mareal", Larel yelled who was a bit of shaddy trader waved her over. "Did you hear about the Prince is going to take a group to get rid of dangerous charr ranger that's over the wall" today.
"Not at all, but it would not surprise me". "There have been a lot of rumor, espically with the villages outside of town and the Kings request to find more people to recruits". was her reply.
She hurried home and started making one of the most lavish lunch pulling out a few old family recipes too boot. It took about two hours to get everything ready.
After a few hours and it realizing it will become dark soon and realized that Cynn was going to blow her off. Feeling rather pissed off at Cynn and herself, she went headed towards the door and noticed an eerie red light coming from the windows. She heard a large noise behind her and then everything went pitch black.
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What do you think, I'm a bit rusty with this.
Short Story - Pre
EternalTempest
Jakerius
I dunno...
Are you foreign, because I hate critizing people of bad grammar and spelling/punctuation etc and then find out they've only spoken English for a few months.
Also, based on what I've seen through first-hand game experience, Charr usually stay in packs. It is unlikely there would be a lone Charr Ranger wandering around.
Even if his warband had been killed and he was a sole-survivor, it wouldn't be long before he met up with another group.
The following is an attempt at cleaning up your story:
Quote:
Mareal decided to go to the market to pick up some fresh fruits and vegetables for tonight's lunch and dinner.
Are you foreign, because I hate critizing people of bad grammar and spelling/punctuation etc and then find out they've only spoken English for a few months.
Also, based on what I've seen through first-hand game experience, Charr usually stay in packs. It is unlikely there would be a lone Charr Ranger wandering around.
Even if his warband had been killed and he was a sole-survivor, it wouldn't be long before he met up with another group.
The following is an attempt at cleaning up your story:
Quote:
Quote:
Psudo = Pseudo
no thank you = "No Thankyou" (Including the quotation marks)
Your paragraph should end up like so:
As she was walking by, she could not help notice the large mansion where Cynn lived. So many times she had walked by Cynn and asked her over for lunch or dinner. Each time was met with being ignored or a pseudo "No Thankyou". Mareal herself was wondering why she kept asking.
Quote: Cynn appeared to have a shock look on her face, "You keep asking that off and on don't you, who are you again?". Cynn appeared to actually look at here and notice, something that has not happened before. Mareal explained where she lived and how often she seen her walk or leave her mansion. She didn't appear to have a shock [sic] look on her face, she did have a shocked look on her face.
After "don't you" should be a question mark instead of a comma. Then start the next sentence Who are you again?
Here = Her
Quote: something that has not happened before. This should be something that had not happened before
Quote: how often she seen her Should be how often she had seen her. And after "seen her walk" should be a comma.
Quote: Mareal was very surprised to see Cynn actually consider the request, "hmm today I have this thing I have to attend to that's I can't get out of... but" (with a slight smirk) "I think I can change that and lunch does sound good in a few hours".
"See you in a few hours, you can count on it" Cynn replied and walked off. I actually have no idea who is saying what in this paragraph. You may want to clean this up a bit. Take longer than 30 seconds to write this paragraph.
Remember: You have time
Quote:
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Mareal was still in mild shock at Cynn when one of the merchants who sold jewelry of various types. She was walking by one of the merchants still lost in thought. "Hey Mareal", Larel yelled who was a bit of shaddy trader waved her over. "Did you hear about the Prince is going to take a group to get rid of dangerous charr ranger that's over the wall" today. This: Mareal was still in mild shock at Cynn when one of the merchants who sold jewelry of various types. could be taken out altogether. Not only does it ruin the continuity of your story, and not make sense, but it is completely redundant. Quote:
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