20 Sep 2007 at 21:29 - 33
Ok, here is the Joan Riversly commentary on the Female Elementalist’s walk down the red carpet:
Ascalon: OMG, the stewardess escaped the James Bond film with only one button left. Quick somebody get a rape-kit and we’ll find out whose number I should call. And with so little left I can see why she couldn’t make an appearance in The Hall. Good call, Gwen.
Krytan: Subtle belly-dancer wear with a hint of legs and Barbarella boots. The Hall will just have to review this for the C list exposee coming up at the Searing Celebration.
Tyrian: Proof Madonna did put out a clothing line with the bloomers on the outside. And Gwen showed exceptionally good taste not letting it in.
Stormforged: Well, we were gonna have a mini-skirt but we only had a hundred threads left, so we decided gause was in this year. Oh, sorry – I don’t get to go to Gwen. I only play exclusive shows in the Southern Shiverpeaks.
Elite Stormfoged: See, I opened the sleeves up and draped them off the shoulder, and then hi-jacked this bride’s veil to put around my panties.
Stoneforged: Really it only weighs 132 pounds, not much more than a fully beaded Native American deerskin wedding dress. And the top was a steal from Barbara Eden’s wardrobe – no, Really that is where I stole it from. That is why Gwen banned me from The Hall.
Elite Stoneforged: Woiuld you believe it? The western-wear boots make loincloth replacing the front panel seem so natural.
Iceforged: N-n-n-n-nnnoooo! I’ I’ I’ m n-not f-f-f-free-z-z-z-zing. I-i-i- s-Gwen h-here?
Elite Ice Forged: See, I cut the base out of plastic wrap and then pasted tile pieces all over it. Cleaning the grout out of the cracks everyday is hard, but it sure beats ironing.
Flameforged: Mini-skirts go so well with short sleeved dusters. I can’t believe no one ever thought of this before. And when casting really powerful fire spells I protect my hands with these heavy leather gloves, just ignore the burn-marks on my knees. Gwen really should invite me to the party.
Elite Flameforged: I loved the flamenet stockings so well, I just had to get an entire body sock of it. But at least I’m not cold like that other girl. I bet she has ready serve ice cream!
Shing Jea: James didn’t quite get to me yet, but (flutter-flutter-flutter) I am so looking forward to losing the frogs on my blouse too. And I think Gwen is jealous, she was afraid I would steal away her boyfriend Pyre, if I got a seat in The Hall.
Canthan: The female loin-cloth is definitely in this year. But still, I heard this model was not worthy of The Hall.
Elite Canthan: The ribbon circles are so wonderful on the front. They accent the 6 pack I hide underthem with their almost Boddhisatva like outline. They make me truly a gift to men everywhere.
Luxon: Haight-Ashbury beach wear at it’s best. And it only takes an hour or so with the toothbrush each night to get the sand out of the bangles. I’m appealing Gwen’s decision to keep me out of The Hall.
Elite Luxon: I wear this at the beach all the time. And because boys are just so dense, I had the skirt cut back to form an arrow pointing to exactly where my ass starts. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea now. I am very modest with a strip of loincloth held in place by my silver and turquoise cowboy buckle. I had to rob 9 Navajo smiths to get enough materials for the buckle alone. But you know a little farming for the 14,000 yards of cloth they whittled this out of never hurts nobody. (A bolt of cloth equals 40 yards, btw.)
Kurzick: My frogs are much more substantial. James will never get through these. That is why my panties can show. I can’t imagine why Gwen wont let me in The Hall.
Elite Kurzick: Well, this is really an extended tube top and jacket with a preppy skirt I ripped the front panel out of so my slip would show.
Istani: It is the latest belly dancer outfit from Italy, done to be reminiscent of an African theme. Quite fetching and guaranteed just the right amount of separation and lift to prevent booby-sweat. Quite fetching for southern climes, but not good enough for Gwen.
Istani Elite: Oh, that’s right the line got dropped because of all the dead leopards required for the ranger sub-set.
Sunspear: This we call Vabbi-light with a touch of leather and lace. Any leash will attach to the collar on any of the six sides. Amazing design. I can’t see why Gwen refused to let it in.
Elite Sunspear: We took this belly dancer outfit straight from an ancient Egyptian wall carving.
Vabbian: This is a Polka Dress from a Turkish bathhouse east of Vabbi. They are a recent addition to the available lines, and Gwen approved inspite of being calf-length. However, if you are looking for your Ruby and Sapphire studs, don’t worry – the tailor put them in the bank.
Ancient: Here we have Vabbian combat boots under pajamas and a peeled down jacket. The combo is quite fetching and allows any bad hair day – since even them monsters believe you are still in bed.
Primeval: Drats, my TV antenna is broke. O, we have a fix – quick shove her up there on the pole! O darn, pbc pipes in Nylon. Guess I will have to go buy a real antenna.
Norn: Nice enough for the lates preppies. A real Gwen original.
Asuran: Well, all my original designs were destroyed so I copied the Canthan design with minor alterations.
Dwarven: We always had nude elementalists before – but that new Asuran design really inspired me.
Monumental: I didn’t want everything showing this year to look influenced by Oriental stuff – so I took this from a Kurzick traditional piece.
Obsidian: No matter how bad a pant-suit I really am, I’m still the most expensive. And everyone has to love the most expensive.