If Guild Wars was literal - Guild Wars Guru archive powered by Guild Wars Legacy

tom999

Frost Gate Guardian

Join Date: Jan 2009

House of Lord Darcia [HoLD]

W/

16 Sep 2009 at 10:35 - 1

I've been thinking recently what difference there would be in the skills if Anet made them literal to their real-life name-sake, but thank god they didnt.

Here are a few of my favourites

Sever Artery - it would literally be 1 hit kill
Meteor Shower - would basically auto-vanquish the whole continent for you ^^
Decapitate - enough said really
Dancing daggers - wtf?
Way of the Empty Palm - you'd become karate master instantly =]

Post any skills you think would be cool

netniwk

Desert Nomad

Join Date: Mar 2005

Bellgium

W/E

16 Sep 2009 at 10:37 - 2

Consume corpse-ewwwwww?
Tease-forbidden for male mesmers

Chocobo1

Desert Nomad

Join Date: Sep 2007

New Zealand

CoA

N/

16 Sep 2009 at 10:43 - 3

Foul Feast for the 2 Girls 1 Cup crowd.

eGaming

Ascalonian Squire

Join Date: Feb 2009

wfls

Mo/

16 Sep 2009 at 11:10 - 4

Echo - Echoo echoo echoo...echoo....echoo

Dre

Krytan Explorer

Join Date: Nov 2007

Belgium

Dutch Doom Brigade

W/

16 Sep 2009 at 11:16 - 5

migraine ^^

12chars

AmbientMelody

Lion's Arch Merchant

Join Date: Apr 2009

Poland

N/A

16 Sep 2009 at 11:22 - 6

Earthquake, Maelstrom and Meteor would be weapons of mass destruction for sure.

McMullen

Krytan Explorer

Join Date: Oct 2005

R/W

16 Sep 2009 at 11:28 - 7

"Can't touch this!"... good song.

Artisan Archer

Wilds Pathfinder

Join Date: May 2007

Free Wind

R/

16 Sep 2009 at 11:29 - 8

Seeking arrows.

Oh yeah.

M @ T

Wilds Pathfinder

Join Date: Sep 2006

South of heaven

S E X Y Shinigami[SEXY]

W/

16 Sep 2009 at 11:39 - 9

* Walks into a clothes store *
* Pauses as he sees a huge muscular male dude with a big smile on his face *
"Uhhmm.. My jacket needs Mending please"

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Protective Spirit? So ghosts exist?

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Backbreaker - ouch

!

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Belly Smash - /BRAAAF

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Dismember - Nooos! My winny!

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Drunken Blow should be like an auto miss lol.

immortius

Krytan Explorer

Join Date: Aug 2005

Black Cats

E/Mo

16 Sep 2009 at 11:56 - 10

Mark of Pain - Branding iron.

subarucar

Desert Nomad

Join Date: Jul 2006

New Zealand

None

16 Sep 2009 at 11:59 - 11

Shout "It's Just A Flesh Wound!" and "None Shall Pass!" to become an instant Monty Python enthusiast.
Blood Ritual/Dark Pact to become emo.
Give people all kinds of strange mutations and disorders with a Necro.

Thinking abut Mesmer skills made me realise how much they fit women. If you are sensitive to stereotypes or sexism please don't read on. Shame, Guilt, Diversion, Backfire, Complicate, Mistrust, Panic, Overload, {Wastrel's} Worry, Tease. They all seem to fit so well.

AngeliqueSynner

Lion's Arch Merchant

Join Date: Aug 2008

Florida, USA

Sacred Storm [Strm]

N/

16 Sep 2009 at 12:01 - 12

Ulcerous Lungs.
o__o
That'd hurt.

Ember010

Krytan Explorer

Join Date: Nov 2006

D/

16 Sep 2009 at 12:04 - 13

Vampirism, cue cheesy dracula clip

gone

Guest

Join Date: Jan 2007

16 Sep 2009 at 12:11 - 14

umm, wild blow...yeah..

Archress Shayleigh

Wilds Pathfinder

Join Date: Feb 2009

Guild Hall

R/

16 Sep 2009 at 12:12 - 15

Glass Arrows. Youch

dusanyu

Lion's Arch Merchant

Join Date: Nov 2007

Illusion of skillz [Iz]

W/E

16 Sep 2009 at 13:27 - 16

Aneurysm Target foe experiences drop in blood pressure, rapid heart rate, high cholesterol, and lightheadedness. followed by a high risk of death

Rising Bile : "I think that last corpse did not agree with me"

Cry of frustration (caused by improper fix pf R/A's)

Epidemic : Darn Swine Flu

Eviscerate "Talk about Guts"

Qing Guang

Wilds Pathfinder

Join Date: Nov 2008

California

Lucid Spirits [LIFE]

N/A

16 Sep 2009 at 13:43 - 17

My ele would not be allowed to use Shockwave in Kaineng for fear of destroying nearby buildings.

Whirlwind - also not safe in towns

Thunderclap - everybody nearby goes deaf temporarily

Deep Freeze - Winter starts waaaay early this year.

No crops for you!

Minions would actually look like what they were raised from?

Dark Pact - oooh, you made a deal with the Devil...

Hundred Blades - holy crap!

Eviscerate - ewwwwwwww

"Go for the Eyes!" - owowowowow

Blackout - but, but, but there is no electricity! Maybe usable in Rata Sum only?

Panic - target foe runs around in circles like a chicken with its head cut off

Simple Thievery - not an elite - even the little 5-year-old kids in Kaineng can (and will) do it! Hang on to your belt pouch!

Silmar Alech

Lion's Arch Merchant

Join Date: Aug 2009

Europe

Tom Son [TS]

E/

16 Sep 2009 at 14:30 - 18

You really need to try this build for a disco brawl:

Tease
Clumsiness
"I Meant to Do That!"
Grapple
Burst of Aggression
"You Will Die!"
"To the Limit!"
"Retreat!"

Gift3d

Forge Runner

Join Date: Feb 2007

Las Vegas

Enraged Whiny Carebears [oR]

W/E

16 Sep 2009 at 14:42 - 19

Quote:

Originally Posted by Qing Guang

Panic - target foe runs around in circles like a chicken with its head cut off

hahaha.

plague sending... target ally flatulates and all foes in the area cannot breathe for 10...40 seconds

succor, take out the needle and thread

feedback, like ebay in spamadan

confusing images - you throw a mysterious mushroom in target foes mouth

rust, go buy new armor

ll Jamie ll

Krytan Explorer

Join Date: May 2009

Devon, England.

Desolation Lords [DL]

E/Mo

16 Sep 2009 at 15:06 - 20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocobo1

Foul Feast for the 2 Girls 1 Cup crowd.

Now that is literal.

Headbut would actually be a Headbut, and not just throwing their arms at the foe.

Also, farming wouldn't be killing monsters for loot. It would be growing plants and selling them for like 1k each.

Lexar

Krytan Explorer

Join Date: Aug 2005

Organised Spam

W/

16 Sep 2009 at 15:15 - 21

Sun and Moon Slash

So you actually get slashed by the sun and the moon? Because of the fact that the sun needs to get in such close proximity to the earth to actually slash you, it instantly destroys all life on earth. This is pretty much > all other skills.

talisk3

Wilds Pathfinder

Join Date: Sep 2008

[YUM]

R/

16 Sep 2009 at 15:38 - 22

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chocobo1

Foul Feast for the 2 Girls 1 Cup crowd.

Haha

Vampirism-Twilight Lovers
Distracting Shot-Works till you get to grade 3
Brawling Headbutt-No one wins
Earbite-Dirty scumbags

ALL traps would pwn EVERYONE

stanzhao

Frost Gate Guardian

Join Date: Mar 2008

16 Sep 2009 at 16:20 - 23

flare - just calls a near by boat to help you out.

shock - you are tricked into thinking your wife is in bed with another man

eGaming

Ascalonian Squire

Join Date: Feb 2009

wfls

Mo/

16 Sep 2009 at 16:40 - 24

Quote:

Also, farming wouldn't be killing monsters for loot. It would be growing plants and selling them for like 1k each.

Would make me play a lot more, harvest moon ftw.

Olim Chill

Wilds Pathfinder

Join Date: Oct 2007

USA

DMI

N/

16 Sep 2009 at 16:59 - 25

Putrid Bile - target throws up in his mouth.

Parasitic Bond - 007 asks you for money.

Mark of Rodgort - Rodgort signs item of your choice.

Comfort Animal - give your pet a treat and show some affection.

Axel Zinfandel

Desert Nomad

Join Date: Sep 2007

Northeastern Ohio

LaZy

P/W

16 Sep 2009 at 17:12 - 26

Imbagons would become angry, crazy schizophrenic phychos

SAVE YOURSELVES!
SAVE YOURSELVES!
SAVE YOURSELVES!
THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR!
SAVE YOURSELVES!

All while chucking large javelins at people. That's someone I'd never want to go near. ever.

EDIT: and if you want to get technical, paragons would only have one spear. hah.

ll Jamie ll

Krytan Explorer

Join Date: May 2009

Devon, England.

Desolation Lords [DL]

E/Mo

16 Sep 2009 at 17:26 - 27

Quote:

Originally Posted by Axel Zinfandel

Imbagons would become angry, crazy schizophrenic phychos

SAVE YOURSELVES!
SAVE YOURSELVES!
SAVE YOURSELVES!
THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR!
SAVE YOURSELVES!

All while chucking large javelins at people. That's someone I'd never want to go near. ever.

EDIT: and if you want to get technical, paragons would only have one spear. hah.

That's a good one!

I was thinking - what would Feast for the Dead or Holiday Blues (snowball fight skill) do? O_o

Olim Chill

Wilds Pathfinder

Join Date: Oct 2007

USA

DMI

N/

16 Sep 2009 at 17:47 - 28

Quote:

Originally Posted by Axel Zinfandel

EDIT: and if you want to get technical, paragons would only have one spear. hah.

Oh let's not go there...the place where Rangers would run out of arrows.

englitdaudelin

Krytan Explorer

Join Date: Jul 2006

East Coast

Soldier's Union [SU]

N/Me

16 Sep 2009 at 19:15 - 29

Whirling defense: might get a little dizzy. Attacks have 50% chance to miss.

Lion's comfort: the Wammo pulls out an adorable stuffed lion like my kids have and cuddles it since the big mean men with the ouchy knives hurt me!

Low blow: your opponent doubles over in pain, holding the jiggly bits.

Can't touch this! Everyone breaks it down now. Billowy gold parachute pants appear on all players.

Reversal of Fortune: applies to lockpicks, gold drops, dyes as well. May be cast on that obnoxious guildie who gets all the good drops every time you all go out.

The Scorpion Knight

Krytan Explorer

Join Date: May 2009

16 Sep 2009 at 20:24 - 30

Hundred Blades - If it actually was a hundred blades attacking at once it would have been nice.

"On your knees"- That would be a life saver at times.

Ambitious

Ascalonian Squire

Join Date: Aug 2009

E/R

16 Sep 2009 at 21:20 - 31

Animate Vampiric Horror - OM NOM NOM

insidious420

Frost Gate Guardian

Join Date: Nov 2005

RisE

W/

16 Sep 2009 at 21:55 - 32

LOL this is such a simple idea for a thread, but so hugely entertaining so far!

Contemplation of Purity = You wake up in bed next to someone & don't remember how you got there or what happened....

Earth Shaker = Lose some weight, you need a diet.

Twisting Fangs = A vampire's nightmare visit to the dentist (?)

Mind Freeze = You drink your Slurpee too fast.

hmm..

refer

Jungle Guide

Join Date: Jan 2009

US

16 Sep 2009 at 23:10 - 33

Conjure phantasm - ghosts.

Conjure nightmare - all hell unleashed? demons?

Word of Healing - Would be a shout. And what would that word be!?

Animate Flesh Golem/Bone Minions/anything - gets out some paper and starts drawing.

blackout - entire game screen goes black.

Qing Guang

Wilds Pathfinder

Join Date: Nov 2008

California

Lucid Spirits [LIFE]

N/A

16 Sep 2009 at 23:39 - 34

Resurrection Chant - an honest-to-God Chant. What a concept!

Concussion Shot - WTF? How do you get a concussion from an arrow? The arrow hits you in the face, you are DEAD. Bam.

Animate Vampiric Horror - Yep, Twilight is pretty horrifying. Good thing all minions have natural health degen, eh?

Pin Down - OW MAH FOOT!

Lightning Hammer, Shock Arrow, Lava Arrows, Stone Daggers, Lightning Javelin - now THESE I want to see.

Windborne Speed - only works if you have a decent tailwind. And yes, you're basically flying.

Grasping Earth - Oooh. Hands reach up and GRAB YOUR ANKLES!!!

Magnetic Aura - Only deflects attacks by weapons made of magnetic metals. Good luck avoiding that Copper Crusher, mate.

Obsidian Flesh - Congratulations! You're quite interesting and, according to the apparent properties of Obsidian, you're immune to magic. Unfortunately, you're also fairly fragile... and you can't move.

Winter's Embrace - Oooookay...

Savannah Heat - Only works in Kourna in the daytime.

Meteor - Target foe and everyone else on the radar (including yourself) are obliterated.

Mind Freeze - Note that this is not Brain Freeze, the harmless (albeit painful) ice cream effect. This is OWWWWWWW - or rather it would, but since your brain is frozen those signals from your nerves aren't exactly being processed. YOU DIE NOW.

Life - Wow, you've created Life from nothing. That's pretty impressive.

Destruction - World go boom now?

prism2525

Forge Runner

Join Date: Nov 2005

Among dead bodies.

The Republic of Sky Pirates

E/

17 Sep 2009 at 00:11 - 35

Lava Arrows: Better dodge these!

Breath of Fire: Parlour Tricks!

Celestial Storm: Just RUN!

Burning Speed: Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit's SPEEDY GONZALEZ!

Energy Blast: Dragonball Characters next?

Mind Blast: Talk about having a blast...

EDIT:

Bull's Charge: You might wanna step out of the way.

Chocobo1

Desert Nomad

Join Date: Sep 2007

New Zealand

CoA

N/

17 Sep 2009 at 00:28 - 36

Ambulance Drivers and Crews would be WoH monks, who redbar till they get to Hospital. Doctors would all be RC, and just RC them on there way.

HawkofStorms

Hall Hero

Join Date: Aug 2005

E/

17 Sep 2009 at 00:31 - 37

The survivor title would be the most important one in the game.

Because... you know... not living is bad

El Presidente

Forge Runner

Join Date: Nov 2005

Lookout Post #1, Andes Mountains

Custer Was Ganked [7th]

R/

17 Sep 2009 at 00:41 - 38

Symbol Of Wrath ~ This has my ex-wife's name written all over it...

Troll Unguent ~ Uh, you go apply the salve to the creepy thing under the bridge.

HYAHHHHH! ~ Your lips move, then 3 seconds later we hear your voice.

Feel No Pain ~ Involves any college party with multiple shots of several types of liquor. Usually followed by Blurred Vision.

Mystic Twister ~ The favorite game of mysticists.

Aura Slicer ~ New! From Ronco!

Knee Cutter ~ Man, I hate midgets with switchblades...

Zodiac Meteor

Imma Firin Mah Rojway!

Join Date: Aug 2008

At the Mac Store laughing at people that walk out with anything.

E/Mo

17 Sep 2009 at 02:02 - 39

Assassins Promise - You make a promise.... that's it. How is that a hex?

Ray of Judgment - Only Jesus can use this skill.

Blood is Power - Blood also has AIDS

Tranquility - Has same effects of pot.

Consume Corpse - ewwww

Twisting Jaws - Dinos can't bite

Palm strike - causes bleeding nose

Starburst - yummy

Claim Essence - ALL YOU BASE ARE BELONG TO ME!

Seeking arrows - better than bullets as they go around walls

Nova - Destroys the galaxy

Fril Estelin

So Serious...

Join Date: Jan 2007

London

Nerfs Are [WHAK]

E/

17 Sep 2009 at 03:26 - 40

Mindbender - now try this!

Air of superiority - Shapeshift to Asura, GW2 preview

Smooth criminal - just imagine Mickeal Jackson's moves

Technobabble - I love being a trekkie

Lighting hammer - I'm Thor

Eruption - wow, it's Pompei again

Obsidian flesh - now what kind of skin treatment is that?

Ice prison - it's not 66% movement reduction, I can't move!