Ritualist-esque Humor

OK, to be fair, I took this idea from one part of a conversation I was in from another thread a while back, but I figured it would be fun to start a brand new thread exclusively for this bit of humor.

All the ritualist spirits and ashes have unique names, but c'mon, how about some spells that really reflect how Guild Wars is? The following are ritualist skills that didn't quiet make the final cut for Factions.

1) Pointless was Ascension
Hold Ascending Ashes for (20...50) hours. While holding Ascending Ashes, your character runs in what is essentially a giant circle. When you drop Ascending Ashes, for ever hour you held them, you character suffers from 1 minute of constant Cries of Frustration.

2) Irony
Summon a level (1...8) Sprirt of Irony. All henchmen attempt to perform a ressurection on dead allies as long as enemies are in the area. If no enemies are present, all henchmens' ressurection spells are disabled. This sprirt dies after 30 seconds, at which time all henchmen will attempt to ressurect the Spirit of Irony.

Hope you enjoy them, and please, add some of your own!

I love it. That's what we need more of in this game: humor.

"Spirit of comon sense"
Summon a level 0.5 Spirit of Comon Sende. For the remaining duration of the quest, all team members gain +50 IQ and tripple their amount of comon sense.

"Spirit of happines"
For 30 minutes everybody is happy, nobody swears, everybody gets along just fine.

"Spirit of non-leaving"
Summon a level 300 spirit. For the remaining mission, nobody can quit or leave.

"Auto-Play"
While you hold up that enchantment on other, if other goes AFK, other acts like a hench and can still contribute to the game.

Weapon of Enragement.
You gain a weapon of Enragement. Untill you have exited your party, the most annoying and arrogant member of your team gains all of the good weapon and item drops. If you currently have more than 10 platnium, that member will attempt to use his drops to scam it off you.

Spirit of Disgust.
Creates a level 15 spirit. All of the parties you lead will take 2 hours to form. One ally will rage quit upon every player death your party has. If this spirit dies or touches a flower, a gold req 7 zodiac sword 15^50 will drop for every member of your team, and they will all err=7.

Sadness filled Kikami.
All of your weapon drops are Ebon Short Swords of Prunning, 12%+ vs unpruned foes.

Annoying is the Favour
Hold Annoying is the Favour Ashes for (1...24) hours. While holding Annoying is the Favour Ashes, your character is forced to map to the Temple of Ages once every 60 seconds to ask if your server has the favour. When you drop Annoying is the Favour Ashes, ever (1...15) seconds you must complain, insult and flame whoever has the favour. Your character also suffers from the condition Flamefest for at least 60 seconds.

Spirit of the Touch Ranger
Created a level (0...8) spirit of the Touch Ranger. Any R/N firendly Touch Rangers are given unlimited energy for the next (3...20) seconds. Any enemy Touch Rangers are Crippled for the next (1...10) seconds. When this Spirit dies anyone who flames Touch Rangers friendly or otherwise will be instantly killed.

Spirit of Tranquility:

For 1 whole mission, whenever a partymember shouts "Gogogogogo!", it is replaced by "Please people wait a bit, so we can talk strategy and regenerate energy."

Heh heh. Quality..

Dumbass
Summon a level 12.....19 Spirit of Dumbass. Every 30 seconds, a key will be dropped for the most annoying member of your party. A chest will also appear amongst every in-surmountable mob. When this spirit dies, a worthless gold item will appear within another mob assigned to that party member. This spirit dies after 120 seconds.

Aimless Was Dimei
For 45 seconds, while holding this spirit, the aggro bubble of your entire party will be doubled and no party member will be able to not aggro mobs. When you drop these ashes, all mobs on the radar are aggro'd.

Spite
Summon a level 5.....16 Spirit of Spite. Every time your dumbest ally acts while under a hex, all party members take 50...80 damage. When this spirit dies, that ally is hexed for 2 hours. This spirit dies after 30 seconds.

Heroic Was Rurik
For 45 seconds, while holding these ashes, the most over-zealous warrior in your party will seemingly gain the ability to solo all mobs by shouting, 'For Ascalon!'. All their attack skills and adrenaline will recharge twice as fast, and they will have +3 regen, but suffer from -1 energy regen and the requirement of their weapons will be impossible to meet. When you drop these ashes, that ally will shout 'for Ascalon' and their health and energy will drop to 10%.

Cynn-ful Weapon
Weapon spell. For 30 seconds target ally has a Cynn-ful weapon, all offensive spells which that ally cast's, cause the enemy to scatter and go after the nearest monk.

Weapon of Jamei
Weapon spell. For 30 seconds, that ally has a weapon of Jamei. All healing which that ally uses, does the opposite to the party member who can't seem to avoid dying constantly.

Betrayal
Summon a level 20...30 Spirit of Betrayal. While this spirit is alive anywhere in the zone, any party member who caps an elite and leaves the party will automatically lose 3 random elite skills along with the skill they just captured. This Spirit makes no distinction between quitters and those who 'd-sync'. This spirit dies after 10 minutes.

Peace
Summon a level 40...60 Spirit of Peace. While this spirit is alive anywhere in the zone, any party member who constantly uses the word 'noob', 'naruto', any profanity, racially dubious comments, scribbles all over the radar, or insults other players, will automatically lose 50k experience, 50k gold, 10k of all faction, at least 1 max damage, rare or green item, and 1 random elite skill. These effects will be account wide. This spirit dies after 2 hours and is impervious to damage....... All effects will be doubled for those who draw penises on the radar.

Spirit of Wammos

Create a level (0...8) spirit of Wammos. Any Warrior with a secondary monk profession instantly has Healing Breeze, Mending and Healing Hands replace 3 random skills on the skillbar. The aggro radius of the warrior increases by twice the size. This spirit dies in 120 seconds or when the warrior types "omgz heal me no0b monkzz". This spirit cannot be used in PvP areas.

Spirit of Storyline.

Create a lvl 1 - spirit. Every player wearing Droks armour, who hasn't even decended yet, instantly wears starters armour for the remainder of the quest and will be teleported to Pre-sear when calling someone else noob because they take to much damage.

Reckless was Leroy
Hold Leroy's ashes for (1..3) tenth of a second. When the ashes are dropped, every Wammo in the party will benefit from "Charge !", and rush the biggest mob in sight; monks in party immediatly suffer from exhaustion, and other party members suffer from consternation. Effects end when party is wiped, or party leader has typed "omg" two hundred times.
Recharge time is negligible, as there is no shortage of Leroys ..

Hehe I love these Leeeeeeeeeeeeeroy and Wamoooooooooos.
Great thinking for these things.

Love is Forever

5 energy 1/4 cast 20 recharge

Enchantment. For 60 seconds, mobs which gets aggroed by target jerk ignore other party members and stay aggroed on target jerk. When Love is Forever ends, target jerk dies and drops 1 ecto for each party member.

Avenging Was Nooby
Hold Nooby's ashes up to 45 seconds. Everytime a partymember uses "I Will Avenge You!", every partymember gains 1 fame, but loses 10 IQ.

Overextended Was Sister Tai
Hold up Sister Tai's ashes for 30...300 hours. While holding these ashes, you automatically warp into the biggest group of foes, take all aggro and take double damage. Healingskills take four times as long to cast.

Weapon of Greed
Weapon Spell. For 5...10 minutes, target ally has a Weapon of Greed. The Weapon of Greed grants the nerve to ask everyone else for every item drop.

There Is No Try
Binding Ritual. Create a level 1...8 Spirit that dies after 120 seconds. While this spirit is alive all nearby Warriors, Assassins, and Elementalist are forced to aggro as many enemy groups by engaging in melee combat when the group isn't ready as possible. When this spirit dies those allies causing the aggro label everyone else as "newbs" for letting them die.

Demanding was Healme
Elite Spell. Hold Healme's ashes for up to 1..5 minutes. While you hold Healme's ashes all allies will mistake you for a Monk and demand healing - constantly. Dropping Healme's ashes verifies that those same people are indeed morons and are unloved.

Oddly enough you can cap this spell from the corpses of dead Wammos.

Crap was Factions

Lose 999 gold and hold the pieces of Chapter 2 CDs for up to 20...30 seconds. When dropped, Crap was Factions deals 100...150 damage to every player using Factions skills.

Absolutely loving these.

Sympathetic was Partyleader

For 10...30 seconds, your party leader must accept any assassins that invite themselves to their mission group. Every time that party leader presses the kick button, everyone in the party loses 300...600 health.

Spirit of Attraction

For 30...45 seconds, every monk in a mission town must invite themselves to your party. Any Mo/W accepted to your group gains 400...600 health.

Impatient was Gogogo
Hold Gogogo's ashes for 1..2 seconds. While holding Gogogo's ashes all party members will spam Go! Go! Go! whether you have a full team or not. When Gogogo's ashes are dropped 1..3 party members will leave the group and spam LFG in local chat.

Omnipotence
Binding Ritual. Create a level 100...250 spirit that never dies. While in range of the spirit (everywhere), all arrogant players that think themselves to be God are struck for 1000...2500 holy damage. The players are resurrected at the Spirit of Omnipotence and they are unable to communicate via any form of chat for 1...3 hours.

Res Forgetter Was Wamo
For every dead party member gain 1 strike of adrenaline and 1 angry frustrated yell of "NOOB". If you have a ressurection skill, this skill fails. If this skill adds more than 6 adrenaline, you automatically get ignored by every player in the game.

Irate was HoH'er

Binding Ritual. Hold ashes of dead HoH opponents for 10...30sec. While you hold the ashes, if you attempt to pick up an item dropped from the HoH chest you automatically err07 before the item is placed in your inventory.

Vacant was Rez Sig

Hold Rez Sig's ashes for 15...45 seconds. While holding ashes all party members who did not bring a rez sig or prerma rez suffer -5 health degen. When you drop Rez Sig's ashes those parties members are kicked from the group and replaced w/ henchmen.

LOL Good one!

one of the few things i would actually pay for to have implimented in this game

Then you would kick your rank 11 Boon Prot monk with them

Surely this is an elite spirit.

These are crackin me up.

Ridiculously Easy Was Shiro
Hold the ashes of... um... Shiro for 0.00005...0.00007 seconds. When you drop his ashes, all Shiros in the area attempt to use 1...3 amazing-sounding skills but die at the hands of Storm of Swords-using Warriors before they finish casting.

Clueless was the eBayer
Hold the ashes of the eBayer for 10...60 seconds. While you hold his ashes, all party members become FoW-wearing Wa/Mo's with a premade Paladin build and a perfect Sundering Fellblade of Fortitude, but loose all weapon attributes and all skills take twenty thousand times longer to cast because they have no idea what the hell they are doing. When you drop the ashes, 1...3 members of your party ragequit. When Clueless was the eBayer ends, all party members are banned.

Farmable were the Griffons
Hold the ashes of a Griffon for 5...10 minutes. While you hold the ashes, all party members become the same Mo/W Griffon farming build and all Griffons in the area take 100...5000 holy damage each second. When you drop the ashes, all party members recieve a bunch of random crap in their inventory and one player will recieve a gold item. When Farmable were the Griffons ends, Kephket Marrowfeast spawns and your party dies instantly.

LA district 1
Create a level 20...20 Spirit of LA district 1. This spirit will spam local chat (NEVER the trade chat) with WTB and WTS messages forever. Every 1...3 seconds the spirit duplicates itself, increasing the spam volume. This spirit will never die. Ever.

Lagged was Dialup{E} - Spell
Casting Time: 1/4
Duration: 600 Sec
Recharge: 30 Sec

While PUG's only healer monk, (who happens to be on 14.4 dialup from somewhere in Antarctica) is suffering from rubber-band lag, they have armor of +200 and cannot be affected by conditions or spells. All of their heal spells are instant cast and recharge. If ping to server drops below 400ms, spell ends and all party members are healled for 500.

OMG those are precious!! XD

Yours are the best so far.

/congrats.

Useless Was Breeze
While holding the Ashes of Breeze, the only monks that join your party will spam Healing Breeze on every party member with a sliver of damage. They will then start pinging their low energy. When you drop Breeze's ashes, the monks will try to tank while the rest of the party attempts to run away.

Leavers Was Sigcap
While holding ashes of Sigcap, your Mission/Quest party will be joined by members who leave right after capping their elite skill. When you drop ashes of Sigcap, the rest of your party will leave in frustration.

Frenzied Spirit
Create a level 8 Spirit of Frenzy. All warriors in your group will use Frenzy when surrounded by monsters. If the warriors have Rust on them, they will attempt to use Healing Signet while making sure Frenzy stays active. When this spirit dies, all the monks in your group will ragequit.

Illusion Was the Sin
While holding ashes of the Sin, all Assassins in your group will think they are warriors and will run into the middle of mobs dying instantaneously. Those that survive will teleport back to the monks pulling the mobs with them. When you drop ashes of the Sin, all you party members are rezzed at the nearest portal.

Annoying Was Lifeping
While holding ashes of Lifeping, your party will be joined by players who constantly ping their life once it is < 50%.

Suicidal Was Eve
While holding ashes of Eve, she will use Blood Rituals only on Warriors and will stay by them just in case they need it again. When you drop ashes of Eve, she dies.

Spirit of Spameration
Create a level 7 spirit of Spameration. When you are in the heat of battle, you guildmates and Alliance members will spam the chat channel with price checks and requests for free ectos so you miss every important message from your teammates.

Spirit of Leeching
Create a level 10 spirit of Leeching. 2 - 4 members of your party have a 60 - 85% chance of going afk during a pve or competitive mission. When this spirit dies, your entire party will be dead except for the afkers. If in PvE, A req 7 dual gothic axe assigned to you will be lying on the ground. If in competitive mission, the leechers will be in your next party.

Here's some more:

Mountain Dew
Create a level 1...10 spirit. For 1...3 hours, party members move 50% faster, attack 33% faster, and refuse to shut up and stop talking on Ventrilo because they are so damn hyper.

A Stupid Little Kid was Your Guild Leader
Hold the ashes of your one week old guild for 10...30 seconds. While you hold your guild's ashes, your guild leader will attempt to ask you questions he should definitely know the answers to if he's the guild leader. When you drop the ashes you answer one of his questions incorrectly, making him look like an idiot on purpose. When A Stupid Little Kid was Your Guild Leader ends, everyone has left the guild already, so your guild leader goes and tries to sell it in LA district 1.

Spammed were the Chuck Norris Jokes
Hold the ashes of your sanity while you wait to enter the mission/quest/PvP area that you are currently waiting for. While you hold the ashes of your sanity, every idiot in the district will spam Chuck Norris jokes in the local chat. When you drop the ashes, your party leader says something very important that you miss because of the spam. This spell does not end.

No, no: all casters suffer from dazed for 30 seconds.

Snobby Was PvP
Holy the ashes of a r12 PvP'er for (5...10) seconds. When the ashes are dropped, a Phoenix will be emoted every 5 seconds and all party members in the area will be told that PvE blows. While holding the ashes you may not join any group in Heroes Ascent and may suffer the effects of being called a "n00b"

Kool Was Da'Sin
Hold Da'Sin's ashes for 8...22 seconds. While holding the ashes of Da'Sin, all assassins in your party will have Real Ultimate Ninja Power and really cool moves, and be very useful to the group. When you drop the ashes, the assassins will lose their moves and looks, and run into the nearest mob where they will tank and deal hardly noticable damage until they die. Following their death will be an err=7 and the subsequent deletion of any assassins on the player's account.

/I probably went too far

Prescient Was Darwin

Hold the ashes of a Jade Armor up for 8...31 seconds. All nearby adventures in the Thunderhead Keep outpost are immediately grouped together into a party full of members that have tried to beat the mission 17 times and failed all 17 times. They will make it to the fort, and get wiped out during the siege. Again. And be forever kept from reaching the Ring of Fire area.

Wrathful was PUG

Summon a 1...17 level spirit. All Mo/W's in Temple of Ages in current party who attempt to pass themselves off as healers but are really going to switch to 55 armor once in UW immediately lose all their ill-gotten gold, which is equally distributed among the other party members and they are also booted from the party unceremoniously.

Persistant was Norton

While you hold Norton's ashes the next time you encounter a large battle, Norton's Antivirus will automatically pop up in the backround of your computer and run a comprehensive virus scan causing you to lag to the point of uselessness. When you drop Norton's 6 black dyes and 9 ectos drop for you all at once and windows crashes just before you reach them.

Scamming Ralph

Hold Ralph's items forever

Angry was Partyleader

Hold partyleaders ashes for 2..10 hours. While holding his ashes any player that self invites themselves before pming the partyleader gets their character deleted.

n00b was Whamo (Restoration ELITE)
While holding n00b's ashes any allies that move more then 100 feet from caster is instantly teleported to casters location. Summoned Ally cannot move until casters energy bar is full or n00b was Whamo ends. This spell lasts 30-60 seconds or when casters energy bar is full.

ROFLMAO!!