Ritualist-esque Humor

OK, to be fair, I took this idea from one part of a conversation I was in from another thread a while back, but I figured it would be fun to start a brand new thread exclusively for this bit of humor.

All the ritualist spirits and ashes have unique names, but c'mon, how about some spells that really reflect how Guild Wars is? The following are ritualist skills that didn't quiet make the final cut for Factions.

1) Pointless was Ascension
Hold Ascending Ashes for (20...50) hours. While holding Ascending Ashes, your character runs in what is essentially a giant circle. When you drop Ascending Ashes, for ever hour you held them, you character suffers from 1 minute of constant Cries of Frustration.

2) Irony
Summon a level (1...8) Sprirt of Irony. All henchmen attempt to perform a ressurection on dead allies as long as enemies are in the area. If no enemies are present, all henchmens' ressurection spells are disabled. This sprirt dies after 30 seconds, at which time all henchmen will attempt to ressurect the Spirit of Irony.

Hope you enjoy them, and please, add some of your own!

I love it. That's what we need more of in this game: humor.

"Spirit of comon sense"
Summon a level 0.5 Spirit of Comon Sende. For the remaining duration of the quest, all team members gain +50 IQ and tripple their amount of comon sense.

"Spirit of happines"
For 30 minutes everybody is happy, nobody swears, everybody gets along just fine.

"Spirit of non-leaving"
Summon a level 300 spirit. For the remaining mission, nobody can quit or leave.

"Auto-Play"
While you hold up that enchantment on other, if other goes AFK, other acts like a hench and can still contribute to the game.

Weapon of Enragement.
You gain a weapon of Enragement. Untill you have exited your party, the most annoying and arrogant member of your team gains all of the good weapon and item drops. If you currently have more than 10 platnium, that member will attempt to use his drops to scam it off you.

Spirit of Disgust.
Creates a level 15 spirit. All of the parties you lead will take 2 hours to form. One ally will rage quit upon every player death your party has. If this spirit dies or touches a flower, a gold req 7 zodiac sword 15^50 will drop for every member of your team, and they will all err=7.

Sadness filled Kikami.
All of your weapon drops are Ebon Short Swords of Prunning, 12%+ vs unpruned foes.

Annoying is the Favour
Hold Annoying is the Favour Ashes for (1...24) hours. While holding Annoying is the Favour Ashes, your character is forced to map to the Temple of Ages once every 60 seconds to ask if your server has the favour. When you drop Annoying is the Favour Ashes, ever (1...15) seconds you must complain, insult and flame whoever has the favour. Your character also suffers from the condition Flamefest for at least 60 seconds.

Spirit of the Touch Ranger
Created a level (0...8) spirit of the Touch Ranger. Any R/N firendly Touch Rangers are given unlimited energy for the next (3...20) seconds. Any enemy Touch Rangers are Crippled for the next (1...10) seconds. When this Spirit dies anyone who flames Touch Rangers friendly or otherwise will be instantly killed.

Spirit of Tranquility:

For 1 whole mission, whenever a partymember shouts "Gogogogogo!", it is replaced by "Please people wait a bit, so we can talk strategy and regenerate energy."

Heh heh. Quality..

Dumbass
Summon a level 12.....19 Spirit of Dumbass. Every 30 seconds, a key will be dropped for the most annoying member of your party. A chest will also appear amongst every in-surmountable mob. When this spirit dies, a worthless gold item will appear within another mob assigned to that party member. This spirit dies after 120 seconds.

Aimless Was Dimei
For 45 seconds, while holding this spirit, the aggro bubble of your entire party will be doubled and no party member will be able to not aggro mobs. When you drop these ashes, all mobs on the radar are aggro'd.

Spite
Summon a level 5.....16 Spirit of Spite. Every time your dumbest ally acts while under a hex, all party members take 50...80 damage. When this spirit dies, that ally is hexed for 2 hours. This spirit dies after 30 seconds.

Heroic Was Rurik
For 45 seconds, while holding these ashes, the most over-zealous warrior in your party will seemingly gain the ability to solo all mobs by shouting, 'For Ascalon!'. All their attack skills and adrenaline will recharge twice as fast, and they will have +3 regen, but suffer from -1 energy regen and the requirement of their weapons will be impossible to meet. When you drop these ashes, that ally will shout 'for Ascalon' and their health and energy will drop to 10%.

Cynn-ful Weapon
Weapon spell. For 30 seconds target ally has a Cynn-ful weapon, all offensive spells which that ally cast's, cause the enemy to scatter and go after the nearest monk.

Weapon of Jamei
Weapon spell. For 30 seconds, that ally has a weapon of Jamei. All healing which that ally uses, does the opposite to the party member who can't seem to avoid dying constantly.

Betrayal
Summon a level 20...30 Spirit of Betrayal. While this spirit is alive anywhere in the zone, any party member who caps an elite and leaves the party will automatically lose 3 random elite skills along with the skill they just captured. This Spirit makes no distinction between quitters and those who 'd-sync'. This spirit dies after 10 minutes.

Peace
Summon a level 40...60 Spirit of Peace. While this spirit is alive anywhere in the zone, any party member who constantly uses the word 'noob', 'naruto', any profanity, racially dubious comments, scribbles all over the radar, or insults other players, will automatically lose 50k experience, 50k gold, 10k of all faction, at least 1 max damage, rare or green item, and 1 random elite skill. These effects will be account wide. This spirit dies after 2 hours and is impervious to damage....... All effects will be doubled for those who draw penises on the radar.

Spirit of Wammos

Create a level (0...8) spirit of Wammos. Any Warrior with a secondary monk profession instantly has Healing Breeze, Mending and Healing Hands replace 3 random skills on the skillbar. The aggro radius of the warrior increases by twice the size. This spirit dies in 120 seconds or when the warrior types "omgz heal me no0b monkzz". This spirit cannot be used in PvP areas.

Spirit of Storyline.

Create a lvl 1 - spirit. Every player wearing Droks armour, who hasn't even decended yet, instantly wears starters armour for the remainder of the quest and will be teleported to Pre-sear when calling someone else noob because they take to much damage.

Reckless was Leroy
Hold Leroy's ashes for (1..3) tenth of a second. When the ashes are dropped, every Wammo in the party will benefit from "Charge !", and rush the biggest mob in sight; monks in party immediatly suffer from exhaustion, and other party members suffer from consternation. Effects end when party is wiped, or party leader has typed "omg" two hundred times.
Recharge time is negligible, as there is no shortage of Leroys ..

Hehe I love these Leeeeeeeeeeeeeroy and Wamoooooooooos.
Great thinking for these things.

Love is Forever

5 energy 1/4 cast 20 recharge

Enchantment. For 60 seconds, mobs which gets aggroed by target jerk ignore other party members and stay aggroed on target jerk. When Love is Forever ends, target jerk dies and drops 1 ecto for each party member.

Avenging Was Nooby
Hold Nooby's ashes up to 45 seconds. Everytime a partymember uses "I Will Avenge You!", every partymember gains 1 fame, but loses 10 IQ.

Overextended Was Sister Tai
Hold up Sister Tai's ashes for 30...300 hours. While holding these ashes, you automatically warp into the biggest group of foes, take all aggro and take double damage. Healingskills take four times as long to cast.

Weapon of Greed
Weapon Spell. For 5...10 minutes, target ally has a Weapon of Greed. The Weapon of Greed grants the nerve to ask everyone else for every item drop.

There Is No Try
Binding Ritual. Create a level 1...8 Spirit that dies after 120 seconds. While this spirit is alive all nearby Warriors, Assassins, and Elementalist are forced to aggro as many enemy groups by engaging in melee combat when the group isn't ready as possible. When this spirit dies those allies causing the aggro label everyone else as "newbs" for letting them die.

Demanding was Healme
Elite Spell. Hold Healme's ashes for up to 1..5 minutes. While you hold Healme's ashes all allies will mistake you for a Monk and demand healing - constantly. Dropping Healme's ashes verifies that those same people are indeed morons and are unloved.

Oddly enough you can cap this spell from the corpses of dead Wammos.

Crap was Factions

Lose 999 gold and hold the pieces of Chapter 2 CDs for up to 20...30 seconds. When dropped, Crap was Factions deals 100...150 damage to every player using Factions skills.

Absolutely loving these.

Sympathetic was Partyleader

For 10...30 seconds, your party leader must accept any assassins that invite themselves to their mission group. Every time that party leader presses the kick button, everyone in the party loses 300...600 health.

Spirit of Attraction

For 30...45 seconds, every monk in a mission town must invite themselves to your party. Any Mo/W accepted to your group gains 400...600 health.

Impatient was Gogogo
Hold Gogogo's ashes for 1..2 seconds. While holding Gogogo's ashes all party members will spam Go! Go! Go! whether you have a full team or not. When Gogogo's ashes are dropped 1..3 party members will leave the group and spam LFG in local chat.

Omnipotence
Binding Ritual. Create a level 100...250 spirit that never dies. While in range of the spirit (everywhere), all arrogant players that think themselves to be God are struck for 1000...2500 holy damage. The players are resurrected at the Spirit of Omnipotence and they are unable to communicate via any form of chat for 1...3 hours.

Res Forgetter Was Wamo
For every dead party member gain 1 strike of adrenaline and 1 angry frustrated yell of "NOOB". If you have a ressurection skill, this skill fails. If this skill adds more than 6 adrenaline, you automatically get ignored by every player in the game.

Irate was HoH'er

Binding Ritual. Hold ashes of dead HoH opponents for 10...30sec. While you hold the ashes, if you attempt to pick up an item dropped from the HoH chest you automatically err07 before the item is placed in your inventory.